Normally, we love to tell curious folks that we homeschool. Too, it’s okay for others to be concerned because we don’t want to be touchy and overly sensitive about our choice. However, it’s quite another thing when your homeschooled child is interrogated. After all, if somebody was curious and looking for information they wouldn’t be interrogating your child, right?
Today, in sharing when your homeschooled child is interrogated (and how to get past it) I hope to infuse you with a few points to help you stay one step ahead of a situation like that.
What are you looking for?
Too, having your child questioned by a family member, like a mother or mother in law, than by a total stranger is hard. Saying things like what does that sign say or what did you learn today to our children may give them the impression that your parenting and homeschooling should be judged.
In learning how to diffuse the situation, you have to decide what are you looking for. In other words, whether others affirm or condemn your choice, will it affect your decision to homeschool? Are you really seeking their approval?
In a close family, it’s normal to want the approval of family members, but reminding yourself that you will never ever please everybody is sobering.
It comes back to what are you looking for. Are you looking to give your child the best education you can possible give him or please family members? Ideally, we want both, but sometimes we can’t have that.
Having a determined mindset from the beginning helps you cope better with the situation because the go jump in the lake approach is probably not a good reply.
Next, I have learned through helping other homeschoolers that things only get worse if they are allowed to go on for a time.
For example, most parents feel pretty comfortable talking to their own adult child and know what they can say or not say, but to talk to the daughter in law or son in law can be different. Sometimes a mother in law feels at more liberty to speak her mind when it may not be solicited.
And don’t get me wrong, I am all ears for any pearls of wisdom that come from parents that have already successfully raised children, they should be honored.
However, in a family where the adult children are now raising their own children, it their sole responsibility to raise and homeschool them.
Suppressing the the situation is best done by the dad taking the lead if he is talking to his own mother.
Start off the conversation by saying questions to you about how the kids are homeschooled are always welcomed. However there is a difference in wanting to know how the children are progressing and passive aggressive type of comments to your children, which is setting an example for your children to undermine your authority.
Speaking parent to parent helps your mother or mother in law to take the problems to a parenting issue, which is what homeschooling really is all about. If she can see that she could be possibly undermining your authority in front of the kids, you could soften the situation.
Sometimes that does not work and there are times where the law has to be laid down. I have found that instead of saying we will not have anything to do with you, it is better to not take things to that level – yet.
Is Passive Aggressive Questioning Okay?
Instead, say that until the questioning stops or passive aggressive comments stop, your family will not have a relationship with her. It is sad if a situation has to come to that end and hopefully, it will not.
Try to remember that most grandparents no doubt have a deep love for your kids and their doubts and disapproval come from there.
If it is a total stranger questioning your child, it is easier to just say that your decision is not up for debate or discussion and then change the subject.
Every situation is different when somebody starts questioning your child. On the one hand, a person may just be curious. On the other hand, if an adult has or had kids, they should know that the child should not be questioned about your parenting decision and that is not something to take lightly.
I try to be transparent about our homeschooling, always ready to give an answer for those interested in homeschooling because I want to inform and not automatically assert bad motives.
And finally, try to remember that if you are having a bad homeschool day share with somebody else who homeschools. Though it may be comfortable complaining to family members, if those family members are not supportive of homeschooling, then you may be bringing more stress on yourself.
Even though family and friends may not understand that questioning your homeschooling goes directly to questioning your authority as a parent, try to cut them some slack and keep the focus on where it should be which is what is best for your child.
Has anybody ever interrogated your child? How did you do with it?
Also, look at these other tips and helps:
- 5 Top Mistakes of New or Struggling Homeschoolers
- 8 Colossal Pitfalls of Homeschooling in the WHAT IF World
- How Do I Socialize My Homeschooled Kids? Are We Really Talking About this AGAIN?
Hugs and love ya,
Also look at 3 Homeschooling Myths Debunked, and Should A Child Have a Choice to Return To Public School?
Check out these books too if you need to recharge your homeschooling conviction!
Lies Homeschooling Moms Believe
When Homeschooling Gets Tough: Practical Advice to Stay on Course
Homeschooling at the Speed of Life: Balancing Home, School, and Family in the Real World
