When I was pregnant the third time, my husband told me to not find out the sex of our third child because I had been so very sick this time around. You know the kind of sick where you barely open your eyes in the morning and nausea sets in. No, it wasn’t pretty each morning so I just knew I was blessed with my first girl.
As things turned out, that was not the case. My third precious son arrived soon thereafter.
Embracing the term boy mom was not something I was prepared for, but in some ways I don’t feel that I was perfectly prepared for homeschooling either. It was just laid on me.
So I am not only grateful to be able to homeschool, but realize things turn out just the way they should be.
Reviewing these past 16 + years of homeschooling, I have learned a lot about homeschooling only boys.
Sharing my top 10 tips for homeschooling boys, I hope to arm you with some tips and encourage you embrace this course for the long haul.
1. Recognize the differences.
Though it’s true that boys are more wiggly than girls, it is not always true that every boy is that way.
I have two sons that don’t mind sitting still and learning and one that fits the idea that boys are more wiggly.
Recognize that each son is unique when it comes to how they prefer to learn. Look at my articles, Treasure the Moments of Homeschooling Testosterone Armed Boys and Shocking Things that Homeschooled Boys Want to Write About.
2. Use boy-friendly homeschool curriculum.
I wish at times that homeschool curriculum would have a boy-friendly label, but they do not.
However, some curriculum is easier to tweak for boys’ preferred way of learning.
Key to getting boys excited about learning was not just using curriculum that fit their learning style, but using curriculum that had male teachers.
The teaching examples used by a male teacher connects with boys. Female teachers may tend to use topics, for example, in writing, that only girls will understand.
Curriculum that we had a lot of success with has varied, but IEW with its Student Writing Intensive DVD Course with Andrew Pudewa was a huge hit with my boys.
The Story of the World: History for the Classical Child, was also a favorite hit with my boys with their myriads ideas of hands-on activities.
Living books like those in Five in a Row,were also ones that fed my boys desire to read and Growing with Grammar kept grammar short and easy to understand.
3. Friends are Important – Just Later On.
When the boys were real young, they use to joke among themselves about some girls they knew that were going back and forth spending the night with their other girl friends and having pen pals.
My boys had no desire to have to spend the night at a friend’s house. Play over yes, but night over no.
Only moms of girls ask my boys about being pen pals with their sons too.
Boys have another “language of communication” when it comes to being with each other and I recognized this early on.
Challenges and Blessings of Raising Sons
And though there were some of their friends that had pen pals, friends really mattered more as they hit the junior high and high school years.
Whatever easy time I had when the boys were little as far as not having to deal too much with “play dates” was made up when they wanted to get together every week and sometimes numerous times during the week with other teens.
I would often worry that they may be too introverted, but they quickly made up in the later years – in their own time.
4. Hands-on learning matters.
Maybe it is because they will become men, but all of my sons learned better with hands-on activities.
I do feel girls benefit with hands-on learning too, but boys especially do.
This was a lesson I had to learn the hard way because I would rather just read something and be on to the next topic that interested me.
It was so important to me that I switched my approach from a classical approach to a unit study approach so that subjects could all be focused on a topic my boys chose and to include hands-on activities.
5. Disciplining in love.
Many times it is hard to separate parenting from homeschooling because they are intertwined.
I learned that boys though not as sensitive as girls still need a mom who disciplines in love.
Berating a child never works, but especially if they are boys, it can backfire.
Parenting boys is different because I do believe in Bible principles and feel that boys need to be well equipped to lead a family. This is completely different than a supportive role that a wife will take in a relationship.
If I don’t discipline with love and especially with respect, then instead of boosting their self-confidence for weightier decisions they have to make later in life, I could be crumbling their foundation.
6. Male role model is important.
There are many single parent homeschooling families and I still feel that you can find valuable male role models for your sons.
Dad is best. That is if he is a proper male role model. My husband has played a huge part in influencing my sons to put their best foot forward, so to speak, when homeschooling.
However, a loving grandfather, caring uncle or even close friend can mentor your sons.
There can come a time, that even when you’re a super terrific mom that a son may slightly (okay, maybe an understatement because he could resist it a lot) resist your authority.
Though it can be normal, it doesn’t mean it’s right.
If your son doesn’t know how to accept authority from his mother, it’s pretty hard to accept it from other people.
A good male role model sets an example of how to treat woman with respect and vice versa.
7. Responsibility from an early age equals a strong work ethic.
I think it’s the ultimate payoff when your son is no longer under your roof, but you see that all you taught him for the past 18 years or so he learned well and is thriving.
Nowadays, I have seen plenty of pampering boys.
I don’t think it is always on purpose, but I feel it may come from not appreciating the huge differences between girls and boys.
I am not talking about being brutal when it comes to expecting more from a son, but simply put, boys need a huge measure of responsibility early on. This allows them to flex their decision making ability early on.
By letting them exercise a measure of responsibility whether it’s just around the house or out finding a job, it teaches them a strong work ethic.
A strong work ethic now teaches them to not only take care of themselves, but it teaches them the leadership role in a marriage later on.
Lessons Learned from a Boy Mom
Boys need to learn the art of sound decision making. They can’t do that when they are pampered at home and not allowed to make any significant decisions.
Tiny decisions start with where they want to homeschool and it expands to them giving input about their high school academic load.
Give them some power to make decisions. For example, if they want to get a job, make clear expectations about what you expect them to complete for their school each day.
Allow them a chance to manage their time and learn to work hard when they are still at home.
8. Recognize the “sparring” stage. Apply it to learning.
I never felt comfortable with this stage, but have learned to recognize that it is part of the male persona and can be a male bonding ritual if kept under check.
For a mom of all girls, it almost seems like boys are fighting.
When my boys were all very little, I recall one year where my sister, who is mom to all girls, was the first one to be concerned over the fact that my boys were in the yard sparring with tree branches.
They were all fully engaged, laughing uncontrollably and letting off some male steam.
What I realized early was that a competitive streak was part of the natural male makeup.
It doesn’t necessarily mean that it is competitive with other boys, but boys spar because they enjoy the challenge of pushing themselves.
I utilized their need to push harder, be better and rise above to their every day learning.
One day, my middle son was working hard on memorizing basic math facts, a subject he struggling with at the time.
Instead of learning math facts by sitting in the chair, I challenged him to race around the house as he said the math facts and to try to beat his time from before. I would holler his time out to him as he rounded the corner of the house again.
Not only was this a terrific way to fully engage his need to move and be challenged, but it was a fun way to get him to memorize math facts. He never forgot this lesson.
9. Angry outbursts can equal emotional vulnerability.
Being raised in a home with three girls, it wasn’t hard for me to understand when one of my sisters had a problem or felt vulnerable.
Boys, however, respond to problems with what seems like a need to be aggressive.
I have seen this in each one of my sons. When confronted with a situation they were unsure of, they didn’t react in a way that I thought was “normal”.
Learning through those experiences, I realized that boys get overloaded too. Unlike girls, their need for emotional support is not as easily detected and it can take the form of aggression.
After I knew this spark to watch for when teaching them every day, I had to learn when to step back and cut school assignments into bite sized pieces.
Sometimes, their aggressive behavior was a sign of the changes in their growing bodies and that they needed extra rest or extra exercise.
Understanding that boys have needs that can be masked as angry outbursts helped me to avoid explosive situations.
10. Love them unconditionally! Let them love you too.
There are extremely tender moments with my sons and one of them is when they want to take care of me.
I know their father has been a huge influence on them by modeling how he cares for me, but I never knew the depth of closeness I could have with each of my sons.
Never comparing one son’s quality to another son’s gentle qualities is a must. Each boy is different, but allow each one of them to love you on their terms and love them unconditionally.
Homeschooling boys has been of the greatest challenges about homeschooling, but it has also been one of the most rewarding.
I am proud of the men my boys are becoming.
What about you? Do you value the privilege of homeschooling boys?
Look at these other articles you’ll love.
Ten Best Tech Gifts for Teen Boys, Shocking Things that Homeschooled Boys Want to Write About. Should We Let Them?, and Teaching Homeschooled Boys How to Read – When to Panic!
Hugs and love ya,
