Starting to homeschool seems easy by comparison when you have to confront an issue like should you give your child a choice to return to public school.
{For the sake of clarity when I mean return to public school, I am talking about leaving your home to go to a public school setting to be guided by somebody else and their standards. I am not talking about using textbooks at home. Too, I am not speaking about circumstances out of our control that do not allow us to homeschool at the present moment. Big difference.}
Return to Public School?
The subject can send as many sparks flying as the topic of disciplining children can.
Never shying away from topics that could be unpleasant, I hope after reading this you can walk away with conviction about your choice to not give your child that option.
My son never got an option to return to public school. It was never allowed as a choice for our children to make in our home. Does this make me more or less of an unpleasant teacher? Judge that for yourself as I want to share with you why my husband and I made that decision in the beginning of our homeschool journey.
Returning to public school normally means your child has had some length of exposure to it. My sons have not had that experience. Did that lack of experience make the curiosity for public school not come up in our home? No, it came up. Taking Mr. Senior 2013 out in Kindergarten, he never really had any bad experiences so his curiosity was piqued.
I do think the key to understanding your child is to determine if it’s just curiosity or if your child perceives they are lacking something in their journey.
So if that topic came up, I wasn’t going to wait for it to happen before I had a plan in place. Determined on creating many learning opportunities and experiences, I focused my time and energy on that.
Learn Through Experience or Example?
As home educators, we are not afraid of work. Most of us go above and beyond the call of duty so to speak to find what works for our children. And then sometimes that is not enough. It can be flat out discouraging, but I will share some tips in just a minute to breathe some life into your efforts.
First though I want to give you some tips on analyzing which set of values or mind-set you will adopt as you homeschool because it affects the merit or value of your decision. Is it best to learn through experience or by examples? I am often told that some children just need to experience it. I don’t hail to that way of thinking because experience is not always the best teacher. Learning from examples or by example is a much better teacher. In other words, you don’t have to experience pain to appreciate the lack of it.
From the time children are very young, they need a standard by which to measure their decisions. Core values for a family usually enters at this point. It did for us. I want my sons to know that they can make a good decision regarding their life choices way beyond what a person thinks my sons should make at their age if they have a reliable standard to measure by.
The Bible has always been our standard and we shared with our sons that it is our responsibility, no cherished privilege to guide them. That mind-set has been engrained since they were young. So returning to public school was not seen as a topic that was open for discussion, it was seen as a loving decision anchored in our values.
Hard or Hardly Working Mom?
What always was and still is open for discussion anytime day or night is what they feel that they need at the present moment. If they feel at anytime like they were missing out on something, it is my responsibility to care for that need. A child will grow, but not necessarily grow up loving to be self-educated unless we show them the positive aspects of our decision.
Make yourself available and open to discussions. Having candid talks and 1:1 heartfelt conversations with each child gathers more momentum as your child grows. At certain ages, normally preteen to young adulthood, I have spent more times during the school day keeping the communication lines open with my sons than they have completing school assignments. This is not easy as they become young adults establishing their core values.
Sometimes that is just not enough either because you have to meet their needs and it starts with YOU, not with a support group. I want you to hear my heart on this. When your children are young, you are their everything in the world.
But when they are older and decision making ability is being nurtured and everything in the world matters to them, that time is more uncertain as they enter adulthood and your guidance is absolutely essential. It simply can’t be left up to somebody else to make your children happy or fulfilled. They have to learn to look within too as to why they may feel that they are missing out. For sure it is easier and more of an adventure to fill our children’s needs by joining with others or joining a support group. I encourage you to embrace those groups. But at some points in my journey, I did not have an active homeschooling community near me.
{Look to your church for finding friends and don’t forget to include extended family as you build a network for a support group. The homeschoolers will come as you set out to host functions for your children. When they do, connect with them.}
So focus on what you can do. I have shared before how my New Bee Homeschooler Program, Free Lapbook site and my co-op were created out of my desire to push, no impel myself into another level of teaching and to provide my sons with the best teacher they can have. I will not be content until my sons’ needs are satisfied and overflowing.
So I don’t “dictate” {or is that guide lovingly} that public school is not an option unless I have provided many other opportunities for them to choose from that meets their needs.
Also, I never used returning to public school as a means of discipline or allowed it as an option from an early age. What I do know is that though the topic came up and we talked openly and lovingly about why they may want to experience it, the decision to not return to public school has saved my sons much grief through the years by not starting/stopping public school again and again.
I recently helped a friend who allowed her 13 year old daughter to make that decision to return to public school. After a few months, she returned back home again. I helped her to remember that sometimes as a parent we have to parent instead of being their friend. It’s our job to protect, shield, guide and give them sound reasons for our values and not be the because-I-told- you-so parent.
Important: You can’t wait until your children are preteen or teen for them to know your feelings on this. When their hearts are malleable is the time to share why you feel that there is nothing that the public school offers that you can’t give to them abundantly. Do YOU truly believe that?
Conviction is not just expressed, but lived day by day. Conviction is not just your opinion, but it is based on evidence.
As a whole, (because I don’t pick on public schools or caring, loving public school teachers) the public school system is not a superior academic or moral system.
When you are convicted knowing that you are giving your children the best in education, then you never feel that you are keeping them away from something that is better or that they are missing out on something.
What Your Past Can Teach You About Homeschooling
Understanding another person’s past experiences too is key to understanding this sensitive topic and why homeschoolers are so passionate about the decisions they make.
Our upbringing and the job our parents did with us can’t be overlooked. Many parents today had parents who were dictator-like. This is not what I am talking about in our home or any home. Perhaps too as a child a homeschool parent needed friends and their needs were not met. As parents now, they want to be sure they don’t make those same mistakes with their children. Some feel that the public school is a way to have those friends, I do not feel that way.
Again, those needs can be met abundantly in homeschool though it may require a bit more hard work, ingenuity and inspiration.
Not giving my sons a choice about returning to public school, but always having a choice in their education has not been easy. But is homeschooling really about choosing an easier path?
It’s easier to make the decision that your children have no say in the choice to return to public school, but it’s quite another thing to live with that decision. Avoiding some of that stress that can happen in a homeschool journey by including our sons in on the conviction of why we chose this path has allowed us to have no regrets because our time has been spent on the value of our precious journey and not on the what if we return to public school.
Are you one of the ones living your homeschool decision with conviction?
Hugs and love ya,
