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Socialization – A Homeschool Hallucination?

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This post may contain affiliate links. For more information, please see my full disclosure policy.

Anybody that homeschools has probably faced homeschool socialization interrogations. Also, look at more tips on my page The Dynamics of How to Homeschool Easily and Smarter.

Today, I’m sharing about socialization in our homeschool world. Are we as isolated as some think?

First, I want you to hear my story.

Back in the covered wagon days like my kids think or at least LBK (life before kids), I worked with lawyers.

Socialization - A Homeschool Hallucination?

I worked as an assistant to prepare clients for upcoming trials.

See, I’ve always been in preparedness mode.

I took pride in preparing the lawyers for objections from the opposing side.

And I always tried to think outside of the box for one-liners and comebacks when they were needed.

When it comes to homeschool socialization, I feel the same way.

In many ways it is similar to a battle or drama that is always brewing.

Get Those Kids Out of the House

You know what I am talking about.

Maybe you have gotten similar statements  –  ”homeschoolers are a bunch of holy roly weirdos”, “they’re just weird” or “Mom, those kids are gonna have to get out of the house sometimes”. 

I’m sure you have some to add.

Looking back at my LBK days, I probably enjoyed the process of preparing for those far-fetched objections just as much as actually assisting in the courtroom.

Oh sure, once in a while I may have a quick comeback or I might shock astound folks with my quick wit (shock myself too).

But most of the time preparation is key to giving a good defense to the dreaded socialization issue.

It has been facing homeschoolers from the time they mouth the words: “I’m  homeschooling”.

First, comes the silent strong look from even complete strangers.

Grab My Book on How to Homeschool

Homeschooling 31 Day Boot Camp for New Homeschoolers is a real eye-opener on homeschooling. It will alleviate a lot of the anxieties about getting started homeschooling.

Reading each chapter’s highlights will give you encouragement, knowledge, guidance, and peace of mind to homeschool with confidence. The best part is that you’ll be educating the person who loves your kids the most in this world--YOU! Armed with the knowledge to make better choices in curriculum will empower you to continue the path of home education. Unlike many books based on one family’s experience, Homeschooling 31 Day Boot Camp for New Homeschoolers is also based on Tina’s many years of mentoring hundreds and hundreds of new homeschoolers at live workshops.When you don’t know where to begin Homeschooling 31 Day Boot Camp for New Homeschoolers equips you to successfully homeschool your children.

They might as well just say what is on their mind.

It is written all over their face and then comes the blanket statement, which by the way is obvious that they have not researched this topic well.

Each year many new homeschoolers join the ranks with us in homeschooling.

And because we don’t want to be among the ones that are not well-researched,  we need to take the time to get a clear cut picture of the meaning or definition of socialization.

Too, it’s hard to be prepared for something that we are not clear on.

Socialization – A Homeschool Hallucination

Getting the full flavor of these words, I chose not to use a free definition found online.

Take a glance at these definitions that I took from The New Oxford American Dictionary- Second Edition, which is my dictionary here at my home.

Sociable –  willing to talk and engage in activities with other people: friendly

Socialize – 1. mix socially with others 2. make someone behave in a way that is acceptable to their society 3. organize according to the principles of socialism.

See a problem with the definitions? 

We certainly don’t want to defend something that we are against because we are not using society’s measure on education or values.

However, probably all of us want our children to be willing to engage in friendly activities with other people and be genuine, compassionate, and caring.

For the most part, we have to assume too that most people think we hide under rocks and come out only at night time and that normally is the thinking that we are defending.

From “Catty” to Congenial Comments

So in the spirit of preparation and not condemnation and because I always want to say “it looks like a prison to me” which is probably not the most gracious reply to someone in public school,  I have created a list of one-liners and comebacks.

Here is the question/statement: So why do you homeschool and what about socialization? You are sheltering your children.

  • I homeschool because I want my kids socialized.
  • I want my kids to get along with all kinds of people.
  • We choose to participate in activities with others because we want our kids to accept people of varying backgrounds and ages.
  • My proof is in the pudding- – would you like to see my lesson plans for the week?

How to Answer Others

Also, look at three more

  • I am seriously considering cutting back some activities because our week is bulging with social activities and I need time to be at home.
  • I want my children to be around people who model respect, are considerate and well-spoken. What is learned from an early age will be emulated when they are older and around others that are not respectful or considerate.
  • Yes, you are right.  I am sheltering my children. I won’t be able to do it forever, but I can do it as long as I can and help them to become strong in their faith and values. Seems like what any good parent would do.

And as you can see there is no shortage of ways to reply.

  • Yes, have you heard of the most recent (insert here: bullying charge, teacher misconduct, shooting or drug raid) at public school.
  • Sometimes I think we overthink this, what happened to the days when people just got kids together and they played without worrying if they were socialized or not?
  • Yes, we homeschool because faith matters and I think of this scripture (insert your favorite one here about “dealings with stupid or foolish people” or “training children”).

Homeschool Socialization Situations & Opportunities

  • Each family has to decide what is best for them because even within each family, children are very different.  I have one child that thrives with friends so I can plan sleep overs and lots of meet ups and parties. And I have one child that does not need his emotional tank filled with tons of friends so I can satisfy his need for quiet time and to be with less people.
  • Would you like to come and be a visitor at our school? (Of course this is meant for a well-meaning relative or close friend that you know.)
  • I prefer that my children’s learning time not be interrupted because others do not know how to behave.
  • We homeschool for medical reasons.

Do you see a few you can use?

If you were to ask me before I started homeschooling how much I worried about socialization,  my answer would be zero, zip and none.

The problem with this scenario is that I am not homeschooling somewhere on paradise island by myself.

And because we mix and mingle with other people, like you, I get my fair share of second-guessers, naysayers, and plain ole negative nellies.

Gradually folks like that can chip away at your armor and doubt can set in about your decision.

What you need now is concrete proof that we come out from under our rock and caves and that our children are actually very socially adapted.

Social Activities For Homeschoolers

Dare I say they are friendly and some of us actually like people.

Look at these opportunities for homeschool socialization and how we learned with others.

Socialization - A Homeschool Hallucination?

Fall is a great time to be outside and to be with othes.

Socialization - A Homeschool Hallucination?

Anytime is great for visiting your local police department.

Early Years – Fall Activities and Community Helpers

Socialization - A Homeschool Hallucination?

And studying about Native Americans and making your own leather wear is so fun.

 Native Americans

Socialization - A Homeschool Hallucination?

Of course some of the best times are when you can see other family’s pets.

Homeschool Socialization 

Amphibians and Reptiles

Socialization - A Homeschool Hallucination?

Also, heading outdoors for a Westward Ho co-op is really fun with others.

Socialization - A Homeschool Hallucination?

 Westward Hoooo

Socialization - A Homeschool Hallucination?

Socialization - A Homeschool Hallucination?

And a rainforest co-op is just no fun unless you have all the rainforest food.

Amazon Rain Forest

Socialization - A Homeschool Hallucination?

Socialization - A Homeschool Hallucination?

 The European Renaissance

Socialization - A Homeschool Hallucination?

Homeschooling and Socialization

 Early American History

ancient empires homeschool co-op

 Ancient Empires/Civilizations

Too, I have never lacked for words when asked about our homeschool socialization opportunities.

However, I have not always been proud of my quick temper.

I know it stems from a place deep down in my heart because homeschooling is a work of the heart and it is hard work on top of that.

Now, I can revisit this post each year and will be armed with gracious speech.

I still miss the drama of the courtroom, but then again I now have homeschooling naysayers, skeptics and Debbie downers to prepare for.

I hope this helps you to be armed for this school year and that others will be astounded at your quick wit and preparation too.

Look at my other articles here and grab yourself some more one-liners, comebacks and gracious sayings

How do you handle your reply?

Socialization - A Homeschool Hallucination?

This blog hop is organized by iHomeschool Network.

Hugs and love ya,

Signature T

The NOT To Do List: 32 Things New Homeschoolers Should Avoid

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This post may contain affiliate links. For more information, please see my full disclosure policy.

Asking a group of seasoned homeschool moms is the best way to find out 32 things new homeschoolers should avoid.Also, look at more tips on my pages The Dynamics of How to Homeschool Easily and Smarter.

I’m reminded of what my homeschooling mother used to say. You learn new things one of two ways. One is by example and other is by experience.

The NOT To Do List: 32 Things New Homeschoolers Should Avoid

Instead of learning the homeschooling ropes the hard way by having to experiment on your kids, learn how to homeschool from those who’ve gone ahead of you or from their example.

Besides, nobody wants to experiment on their kids, but it happens.

Hoping to lessen your stress of beginning new to homeschool, look at these 32 things new homeschoolers should avoid.

Mistakes New Homeschoolers Should Avoid

  • 1. Remember your WHY or what brought you to homeschooling. Write it down somewhere so you don’t forget when times are tough.

  • 3. Do not recreate public school at home.

  • 5. Comparing your children, your home, and your spouse to other homeschooling families is a huge joy sucking trap. Your family is unique and homeschooling needs to fit your family’s needs.

Beginning to homeschool with unrealistic expectations is joy zapping and it’s huge among things new homeschoolers should avoid.

Homeschooling Mistakes

  • 6. You don’t have to run your homeschool day like other homeschool moms although they may tout only one way works.

  • 7. Keep pushing curriculum which isn’t working is another big do not do.

  • 8. Thinking your kids will all learn the same way is another hurdle. It’s okay to use various programs to meet each child’s needs.

  • 9. Curriculum is a tool, not the boss. You are the boss.

Mistakes to Avoid When Homeschooling for the First Time

  • 13. Don’t stress over the small stuff. Learning doesn’t just happen with a book in a kid’s face. Learning happens through everyday interaction and meaningful conversations. Take time to deschool and understand what it means for your family.

  • 14. Do not think you have to cram everything a child needs to learn in a day. Take it one day at a time.

  • 15. You’re not a one act entertaining committee. Sometimes learning is not always fun, it’s just learning. Constantly feeling like everyday has to be over the top fun is exhausting and can zap the joy out of the day.

  • 16. Don’t forget to ask your kids what they want to learn. It’s their education. When you have a willing participant in homeschooling, kids work harder and retain what they’re learning. That makes your job easier.

Homeschooling Potholes to Avoid

  • 17. Do not skip field trips. They are essential to bringing learning to life. Kids learn by being out in the world.

The NOT To Do List: 32 Things New Homeschoolers Should Avoid
  • 18. Don’t underestimate the value of play. Playing is the first introduction to self-education.

  • 19. Assuming homeschooling will be expensive is another mistake. You can spend as little or as much as you want depending on your needs.

  • 21. Using curriculum because somebody else uses it is a costly mistake.

What NOT to Do When You Begin Homeschooling

Also, why do we focus only our kids’ needs when beginning to homeschool? When you focus on your education which doesn’t have to take long you truly can help each child meet his potential.

  • 23. Don’t be a perfectionist. You’ll mess up, your kids will mess up. Tomorrow starts a new and fresh day.

  • 24. Homeschooled kids don’t need to be in class the same amount of time as public schooled kids. We simply do not have the same distractions.

  • 25. You don’t have to follow state educational standards. Knowing your state homeschool laws is the first place to start.

New to Homeschooling

  • 28. Don’t rush. Get outdoors and go to the library. Nothing has to be timed.

  • 29 Don’t be put off when it takes you longer than a year for you or your child to adjust to homeschooling.

Mistakes New Homeschoolers Should Avoid

  • 31. Do not think it’s not okay to step away and take a break.
  • 32. Don’t write your lesson plans in pen. The first sick day and you’re feeling behind. Plan just a few weeks out.

And finally, do NOT think you can’t do this. You absolutely one hundred percent can.

You’ll love my book, Homeschooling 31 Day Boot Camp for New Homeschoolers: When You Don’t Know Where to Begin.

You’ll experience one or two mistakes, but they can be minimized.

There seems to only be two mindsets when new homeschoolers start.

There seems to only be two mindsets when new homeschoolers start.
There are over achievers who are looking to right all the wrongs in a few months or under achievers who feel a rich learning environment just happens with no intentional effort of the parent. Avoid these two mindsets!

Neither mindset works, but it can set you for failure. Achieving balance is absolutely key in your first year of homeschooling.

Do you find you’re making some of these mistakes already?

You’ll love some more tips below about how to start homeschooling:

Hugs and love ya,

When Homeschooling is Sucking the Life Out of You

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This post may contain affiliate links. For more information, please see my full disclosure policy.

I must be doing this wrong because homeschooling is sucking the life out of me. I hear it a lot and I felt like that at one time too. Also, look at my page The Dynamics of How to Homeschool Easily and Smarter for more tips and resources.

Too, a lot of families who bring kids from public school can find it harder to appreciate the homeschooling lifestyle; many families who have homeschooled from the beginning equally can struggle.

Add in the mix of kids’ lackadaisical attitude toward anything, let alone school work and you have a recipe for quitting.

When Homeschooling Is Sucking the Life Out of You

You may even feel public school is better for your kids.

When Homeschooling Sucks the Life Out of You

Although I don’t claim to have all the answers, from my over 20+ years of homeschooling from prek to high school AND conducting workshops with new homeschoolers, I do have tips that will help you.

Besides, I care. I mean I TRULY care about your success.

I KNOW the homeschooling lifestyle is a superior approach to education. I will tell you why in a minute.

Am I Selfish For Wanting to Send Them to Public School

Homeschooling being superior may not be a popular mindset among public school advocates, but I’m not here to win a popularity contest; I want to see you succeed without you feeling like you have to give life and limb for a lifestyle which is backed by numbers.

I’m here to tell you that you CAN succeed without tons of anxiety and stress and how it can be done.

First, it starts with knowing stats.

Don’t get me wrong, I love math and science, but it’s not the way I normally help people. However, we need to start with an analytical view before I speak from my heart.

When Emotions Are High Judgment Is Low

See when our emotions close in on us and doubt hits our day whether we’re doing enough or not, numbers like how much time we spend teaching our child doesn’t change.

What I’m saying is that one-to-one tutoring is a superior approach to thirty kids to one teacher. It’s simply a matter of odds and time.

Even at times when I felt I was at my breaking point like when my husband almost died, and my sister too, my kids learned way more at that time about what was really important.

Additionally because we did get behind when life hit hard, I was able to catch up far quicker than public school. We did NOT have to wait for a full school year or until other kids got the concepts.

My focus was simply my kids and my family. Although I didn’t feel like I was in control of my life and homeschool and sometimes I wasn’t, I know now that I definitely was.

Unless you’ve checked completely out, meaning you’re not doing one thing to teach your child like having meaningful conversations with him, reading to him, or playing with him, the odds are STILL in your favor of succeeding.

Also, get some more research and stats from this site National Home Education Research Institute to see how homeschoolers really are succeeding.

How to Go From a Crippled to Confident Mindset

I was making the best decisions based on the odds and time actually spent.

Whenever I feel that deep down nagging tug that I’m not doing enough, I remind myself of how much time it actually takes to homeschool.

We have time for many interruptions at home and still have time to make progress.

So I changed my mindset from a choice of sending my kids to public school as my default solution to one of using my time to make homeschool work to the best I could. Instead of putting energy into an approach where my kids odds of learning were actually lowered, I made the homeschooling lifestyle priority.

Next, before I jump into sharing multiple tried and true tips to cope when homeschooling sucks, I want you to know that I don’t believe one should homeschool at all cost.

That belief too is not exactly a popular one with some of the faith-based community.

With all of my heart I know that homeschooling is a superior approach because a child gets a uniquely individualized education; however, there are other factors like health, mental health, and even finances which deter some families.

Homeschooling your children is a very personal decision and one that a family should make for their children without guilt or judgment.

We really do not know what goes on inside of every family’s home and so I respect the decision each family has to make.

10 Tried and True Trips When Homeschooling Sucks

Next, look at these ten tips to cope when homeschooling is sucking the life out of you.

Tip. 1. Just STOP, STEP AWAY, and RESET.

First, we may think we have to keep pushing. Why do we do that to ourselves and our kids?

When in fact, from a complete stop comes rejuvenation, power, and refocus. Sometimes we can try to squeeze homeschooling into a busy life. We may need to stop and look at our schedule again to see what is really important to keep and what can we let go.

Tip 2. Deschool.

A lot is said about deschooling in the homeschool world. Some of it I agree with, other information not so much.

Deschooling is not just something you do when you’re a new homeschooler. It’s a technique for burn out too.

Look at some of these ways to use the deschooling process:

  • Do you need rest? STOP. Take care of your needs and your children’s physical needs. There is nothing selfish about self-care. A break does not mean a stop. It just means a break.
  • Did you jump from public school to homeschool without really taking the time to know how your children learn? Putting your child in the next grade because public school said they belong in a grade is a huge newbie mistake. It take times to know how your children learn and you can do that with inexpensive to free curriculum until you know your child’s learning personality.
  • Deschooling does not always mean idleness. Deschooling is different for each family. I know kids who do well with routine. However, can you scale back your expectations until whatever is the object of the stress subsides? Have you heard of the power of little done often? It’s true.

Furthermore, I share tips here on my video How to Deschool – Are You Doomed If You’ve Never Deschooled.

Tip 3. Do a Unit Study.

Additionally, I switched from boxed curriculum to unit studies many years ago.

Little did I recognize then the full and positive impact they would have on our day and now our journey.

Unit studies can take a bit more time to plan; the return is the satisfaction of learning exactly what interests us.

When homeschooling loses his luster, try a different approach. You may need to just switch approaches instead of quitting homeschooling.

Look at my post Top 5 Approaches New Homeschoolers Need to Know to know you’re following the approach that is best for your family and that you’re not repeating public school at home.

Tip 4. Use Nap Time to Tidy Up.

Moreover, if you have a younger household and still have naptime, use about 15 or 20 minutes of the time for a quick tidy up.

Even though it may not be the type of cleaning you really need, don’t forget the power of little. Every bit counts when you have a house full of littles.

I used to run myself almost completely ragged while two of my kids napped.

Twenty years later, I realized some of the time should have been spent relaxing and just sitting down to put my feet up.

Tip 5. Occupy the Older Kids with their Devices During Naptime.

Likewise, something else I shouldn’t have felt guilt about was allowing my older kids to be entertained while my young children slept.

Thinking I had to constantly school my kids when I was at the point of exhaustion was not balanced.

Homeschooling at all costs, even costing your health is not healthy.

It’s okay to allow kids time to entertain themselves while you rest.

Tip 6. Read.

In addition to using naptime to rest, reading has been one of my best ways to relax.

I read an article that stated: “researchers found that reading is one of the best ways to relax, and even six minutes can be enough to reduce the stress levels by more than two-thirds.“

Too, what I’ve learned now is that even if all we did was reading for the day it was enough.

My kid’s fondest childhood memories are of us reading together as a family.

Reading IS school; all the elements needed for learning like concentration, comprehending, and studying are associated with reading.

When Homeschooling Is Sucking the Life Out of You

Also, reading aloud to your kids has many key benefits, but remember taking time to read what you enjoy rejuvenates YOUR love of learning. That is equally important.

I know you’ll love my book, Homeschooling 31 Day Boot Camp for New Homeschoolers: When You Don’t Know Where to Begin.

5 BEST How to Homeschool Books

I've rounded up some of the best books to help you get started homeschooling.

Homeschooling for New Homeschoolers: When You Don't Know Where to Begin

Homeschooling 31 Day Boot Camp for New Homeschoolers is a real eye-opener on homeschooling. It will alleviate a lot of the anxieties about getting started homeschooling. Reading each chapter’s highlights will give you encouragement, knowledge, guidance, and peace of mind to homeschool with confidence. The best part is that you’ll be educating the person who loves your kids the most in this world--YOU! Armed with the knowledge to make better choices in curriculum will empower you to continue the path of home education. Unlike many books based on one family’s experience, Homeschooling 31 Day Boot Camp for New Homeschoolers is also based on Tina’s many years of mentoring hundreds and hundreds of new homeschoolers at live workshops. When you don’t know where to begin Homeschooling 31 Day Boot Camp for New Homeschoolers equips you to successfully homeschool your children.

The Unhurried Homeschooler

Homeschooling is a wonderful, worthwhile pursuit, but many homeschool parents struggle with feelings of burnout and frustration. If you have ever felt this way, you’re not alone! Most of us need to be reminded of the “why” of homeschooling from time to time—but "The Unhurried homeschooler" takes parents a step further and lifts the unnecessary burdens that many parents place on themselves.

Teaching from Rest: A Homeschooler's Guide to Unshakable Peace

Those who have made the decision to homeschool their children have done so out of great love for their children and a desire to provide them an excellent education in the context of a warm, enriching home.

The Brave Learner: Finding Everyday Magic in Homeschool, Learning, and Life

Parents who are deeply invested in their children's education can be hard on themselves and their kids. When exhausted parents are living the day-to-day grind, it can seem impossible to muster enough energy to make learning fun or interesting. How do parents nurture a love of learning amid childhood chaos, parental self-doubt, the flu, and state academic standards?

Unschooled: Raising Curious, Well-Educated Children Outside the Conventional Classroom

Education has become synonymous with schooling, but it doesn’t have to be. As schooling becomes increasingly standardized and test driven, occupying more of childhood than ever before, parents and educators are questioning the role of schooling in society. Many are now exploring and creating alternatives.

Tip 7. Do a 4-Day Schedule.

Next, one year I switched to a 4-day schedule and never looked back. It’s true, at home we can accomplish more in less time.

However, until you try it you don’t really know.

When I switched to a 4-day schedule, it was one of the BEST things I did early in our journey.

I took off Monday to have a slower start to the beginning of the week. Taking time to get caught up on house cleaning, meal planning, and bill paying gave me a sense of control when my kids were very young.

As my kids grew older and could help more with chores, I switched to having off Friday as a day to rest and rejuvenate.

Look at my posts Should You Switch to a 4-Day Homeschool Schedule and The Sticking Power of a Solid Homeschool Schedule.

Tip 8. Take Time to Educate the Educator.

Another tip I learned was that some of my part in the feeling of lackluster towards homeschool was I didn’t take time to educate myself.

Why do we not think twice about dropping hundreds of dollars on our kids’ education, but don’t take time to learn how to choose curriculum or how to get organized?

Educating children is rewarding and at the same time it’s one of the most draining jobs I’ve ever done.

I needed the essentials in how to homeschool to smooth my path as I educate my children.

Many years, I ago I taught workshops to new homeschoolers and wrote a curriculum.

Having taught that workshop for 10 years, I now put those workshops online for you.

You’ll love my self-paced online workshops.

How-To Homeschool Courses

Go from Overwhelmed to Got this! The detailed courses: Teaching the Stages of Homeschool, How to Choose Curriculum for Beginners, Homeschool Organization for Beginners, and The New Homeschooler Boot Camp are real eye-openers. You already know homeschooling will give your child the most benefit. Now, take time to educate the person who loves your kids the most – YOU!

Tip 9. Find the Balance Between Rigid and Too Relaxed.

Furthermore, it seems when I’m not feeling the love of how easy homeschooling is supposed to be, I’ve had to look at my expectations.

Many homeschoolers are too rigid, but I’ve also seen more homeschoolers who don’t have a plan for the day.

Find out what your children need.

It’s not always a problem of being too rigid, but it could be you don’t have a list of expectations or a routine for the day.

Your children may need more routine instead doing school by knee-jerk reactions. Ouch. It’s hard to self-analyze – always.

Or, are you so rigid that your children feel crushed under the weight of unnecessary sternness?

Again, you are the only one to make this analysis. Achieving homeschool balance is possible if you’re willing to be flexible.

Tip 10. You are doing more than homeschooling AND your children need to know that too.

Finally, you’re doing more than homeschooling your children; you’re training them far beyond academics.

It’s flat out hard to parent while being a homeschool educator.

They’re intertwined. And you do not want to keep your two roles separate.

Because parenting and homeschooling are weaved together, your kids have responsibilities beyond their academics for the day.

Hear my heart when I say it’s hard to STOP and take time to train your kids to clean, cook, do chores and put away their toys or objects.

However, not only are you teaching them to be independent, you’re instilling pride and confidence.

Many kids who are grown lack self-confidence. Although doing chores is not a complete problem solver, it is a solution.

Chores give kids a sense of pride, belonging, and a way to help others.

Many years I had to accept a kid friendly cleaned house; it wasn’t always easy because I had high expectations.

However, I’m FOREVER grateful that instilled an ethic of hard work in each of my sons.

Is Homeschooling Really Freeing

Now that they have roommates, their roommates thank me for my sons’ positive mindsets and neat and clean habits.

Encourage your child to be a good friend when he is an adult.

It does start with his surroundings, taking care of his room, and other areas in the house.

I love when I get positive feedback from my son’s roommates and moreover I hope in the future, their spouses will too.

Respect comes first from caring for themselves and their area in your home; it pours over then into a child’s live when they’re away from you and now adults.

They extend that same courtesy to others and learn how to truly be happy.

What I’m saying is sometimes homeschooling is a heart problem and not a homeschooling problem.

What genuinely makes kids happy is being fulfilled each day no matter how small the task.

Do not forget that the odds are in your favor for succeeding.

Go slow and remember your kids deserve to know how to take care of themselves, clean, cook, know how to follow a schedule, and take care of others.

Kids will NEVER forget how you SKILLFULLY prepared them for life not just academics.

Don’t forget to think about what brought you to homeschooling in the first place and look up from the pit of despair.

Most circumstances are temporary at best although we don’t feel that way at the moment.

Having an online homeschool group is important too. You need to know you’re not alone. You’ll love my facebook group if you do facebook.

With Power Struggles Give Choices and Freedom

With plenty of rest or even stopping for a bit until you rekindle your love of homeschooling, I hope this heart to heart talk nudges you in the right decision for you family.

From my heart to yours, homeschooling has been worth every bit of stress and tears.

If you’re struggling right now, please let me hear from you. I may not have a solution, but I may be able to steer you in the right direction.

Look at these other tips:

Hugs and love ya,

How To Juggle Homeschool When You’re Coping With More Than A Mom Should

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This post may contain affiliate links. For more information, please see my full disclosure policy.

I was going to create a long video on how to juggle homeschool when you’re coping with more than a mom should, but I didn’t. In my short facebook live video on my group, I do talk about it a little.

Although I’m not a weepy person, the truth of it is if I created a longer video, I couldn’t get through it without weeping and airing my raw emotions.

Why Juggle Homeschool During Extreme Stress

That’s not a negative for me; I want you to know what is working and not working for me. It’s important to me that you have some tips to ease your load and know that you’re not alone.

Read my words, but feel my raw emotions as I pour them out to you. I hope to encourage and lift you up in my transparency.

Circumstances are different for every mom, but the same raw emotions ebb and flow. You don’t have to feel the exact same pain as another to put yourself in another’s shoes.

What I went through years ago as far as crisis in my life pales into comparison to what I’ve recently been through and am going through. More on that in a minute.

How To Juggle Homeschool When You're Coping With More Than A Mom Should

Life wasn’t finished beating me or my family up. The longer you homeschool which is living life, the more stress can head your way.

When You’re A Control Freak But You Have No Control – None

So why keep homeschooling? More on that in a minute too.

Also, keeping things to your self is not always a good thing. You couldn’t possibly know what a very private person I am, but I am. I love my family and try to be dignified with their feelings and privacy.

It’s important for me to to not overshare. Know that there are things I must keep private; I’m walking a line here.

However, understanding what I’ve been through I hope I can reduce your stress and anxiety; I want you to know that sending your kids off to public school is not always the least stressful thing to do.

Life Can be Like the Cycle on The Dryer. Tumble, tumble, tumble. (Beat you up). Wait. Catch Your Breath. Hold on. REPEAT.

It was enough then and is enough now, but I have no choice as more is heaped on me.

First, look at what was heaped on me then.

One year my sister who homeschooled her kids got a staph infection.

First Sign of Homeschool Stress – What Will YOU Do

She had to be intubated because she couldn’t breathe and was unconscious for days. I cared for her in the ICU, comforted her kids and the whole family while taking care of my kids and husband.

Driving to get there when I first found out, I wondered if she would make it. Facing fear is not easy. It’s the kind of stress and sickness you feel that brings you to your knees and makes you puke.

Thankfully, she had wonderful doctors, the infection was contained and she was sent to a long-term facility for months.

Driving to see her and support her 40 minutes away from my house 4x a week or more was exhausting. My kids were with me the whole time. I thought that year would never end.

However, I had no clue what the next year held for me.

My husband had a massive heart attack. It was also the year my first son got to high school.

You know high school is scary enough, but it had nothing on what we went through that year. Yes, my husband beat the widow maker.

Vividly, I recall that day years ago. I shared with many of you who still follow me how I agonized over choosing the right words when you think they may be your last to your husband.

I finally made it to my husband’s side at the hospital in time to be with him while the doctors shuffled my husband off to surgery and saved his life. That night which I’ve never shared was one of the loneliest nights I’ve ever been through.

Knowing how close I came to life changing forever, I cried all night alone.

Some Stress Is Unavoidable

Next, the long year to recovery and hubs changing jobs was ahead.

Did I mention too that folks want to give you all kinds of nutritional advice assuming your lifestyle contributed to his heart attack?

I never shared before that he inherited heart disease from both sides of his family and his heart attack although happening while he was young, didn’t happen at 40 years old like his father and great grandmother before him.

Matter of fact, the doctors said it was our lifestyle which saved his life because of how stress free we tried to lead our life.

Life as I knew it went back to some kind of normal. However, my kids and I were forever changed.

Knowing the value of how you never know what the next day holds, we seized the time time together as a family and made a big change in our life.

We sold our huge home with pool and packed what we wanted in two cases for each of us and moved overseas to South America.

It was the BEST decision we ever made. Our years spent together in adventure was just what we need to get over what we couldn’t control.

Is Returning to Public School the Answer

Look at these four things that my kids and I learned from those years of hardship.

  1. We drew closer together as a family. If I had to put my kids in public school, we would have been separated at a time we needed each other. However, I weathered the storm remembering that it is just that. That means it’s temporary.
  2. It taught my kids to seize moments of friendship both in the family and with their friends outside of the family. You don’t know what will change this afternoon.
  3. Although I worried my sons may have grown up too fast, in fact teaching them to stand with me as we face feared helped them to set reasonable standards for themselves during our crisis. Even adults today don’t know when to stop putting pressure on themselves when under enough strain.
  4. Homeschooling is all about modeling how I want to my kids to learn meaningful things. What would I be teaching them if I didn’t set the example on what their focus should be when life hits hard? Everything I believe in about the homeschooling lifestyle came full circle. In life, sometimes we need to be a caregiver. I knew their academics wouldn’t be interrupted too long, but my kids’ education reaches far beyond academics.

Next, you want to take a self-check. Long term stress can cause terrible emotional and physical harm.

There is a difference between BENDING and BREAKING. You never want to get to the point of breaking.

With all of my heart I believe our emotional and mental health while homeschooling is not talked about enough.

There should be NO judgment or feeling like you’re weak or less if you send your kids to public school.

Choosing to Look on the Bright Side – A Choice

At this point, I’ve not had to seek professional help, but have not ruled it out if I need it. Seeking professional help is a sign of strength and not weakness. It means you care about your health and the health of your kids.

Bodies react differently to stress.

I allowed the stress to bend me although many days I feel like breaking. In my heart of hearts I knew what was right for my family.

But that wasn’t all I learned, I also learned:

  • If I sent my kids to public school that there was no way I could have the flexibility to care for my sister and husband on my terms.
  • You’re told to live one day or one moment at a time, but you embrace the true meaning when you experience extreme stress.
  • Control what I really had control of. That means I couldn’t let my mind worry about things that were not on my plate for that day. I saved my energy for what I’m experiencing NOT what I think I MAY experience. I was turning my load to anxiety and had to rein that back in. Do you know how REALLY hard that TRULY IS? There is a line between staying ahead of caring for all what is on your plate versus unnecessary worrying.

How to Power Through Homeschool During a Crisis (The Second Time)

Recalling all of what I just shared with you, I’ve been hit hard AGAIN.

Look at what I’m currently dealing with.

My husband is experiencing more complications with his heart. Each day is a precious day. For now, he is good, but managing his health is on my plate again.

My mother is now at end stage renal disease.

This is weighing heavy on my heart. Not only does she have to go to dialysis 3x a week, but she had a stoke and has continued to decline in health. Did you know seizures follow because of the stroke?

Although we’re managing my mom’s care daily, there is no controlling what you can’t control.

There is just letting my mother know what a treasure she is when she can understand me.

Seeing your mother go from an extremely intelligent, compassionate, and caring woman to almost a child is gut-wrenching daily.

But again, I remember whatever I feel is not anything I know my mother is going through. That keeps me going daily. All my mother knows right now is that I love her deeply and she loves me deeply. There will never be enough words to tell her how precious she is to me, but I try daily.

My mother-in-law now lives in an assisted living and my husband and I manage her care as well. Right now, she’s been exposed to Covid and with the onset of dementia, we constantly remind her daily of what is going on.

Did I mention my dad is now 80 years old and has his own set of health problems which needs to be managed while he helps care for my mom?

Any given day, I’m not sure which one of my family members will need help for the day.

Currently many days are not all my own to plan or juggle homeschool units.

How to Plan When You Can’t Catch A Break

However, I choose to trek forward. Look at five mindsets I’m utilizing now as I manage in STEPS.

  1. Ask: What TRULY is important to me today? That is my ONE goal for the day.
  2. Live today, not worry about tomorrow. This one is really hard for me because I’m a planner. Instead of worrying what may happen to any of the precious people in my life right now, I save my energy and passion for dealing with what is REALLY happening.
  3. Identify the difference between stress and anxiety. I’m still learning new things. Stress is unavoidable because it involves life. Stress turns to anxiety when I worry about things that may never happen. All I have done is add anxiety instead of keeping my mind and body healthy.
  4. Know when to stop homeschooling and when to cut back. I know now that my sons could have never gone to public school because they felt they would have missed what was going on at home. I had to think about their feelings. Knowing when to get help either online, by a tutor, or when to stop for a short time is paramount. Weigh EACH day as it’s happening instead of planning like life is normal until it is again.
  5. Self-care for the caregiver is necessary. (I know, but heart my heart. It’s NECESSARY). Passing out is not a good when you’re the caregiver. When so much is on your shoulders, you have to find time even if it’s a short time to rejuvenate. Many days I am physically EXHAUSTED, but waking up REALLY early when all is quiet has calmed my nerves and allows me to think. I spend the time thinking, meditating, and reading. Sure, I’m physically exhausted a lot of days, but my mental and emotional health needs the recovery. Not every day can I get up that early, but a few days a week it has become necessary. Find time whether really LATE or really EARLY to feed your mental health.

Adopt Compassion Over Compulsion

The biggest lesson I’ve learned is compassion over compulsion. Compassion moves a person to try to spare the suffering of others. Compulsion is what a person does by rote or grudgingly.

Deep in my raw and exposed heart, I know I can’t relieve any of the things going on in my family right now. But by me being there for all of them every day and my words, they know they are not alone as they face challenges every day.

When to Let Others Know And When to Let them In

Lastly, even machines are made with escape valves. I’m no machine, I’m not unusually strong, but I choose to share with others. Writing about this is self-help like one wise homeschool mom told me.

Life is precious and each of these people in my life didn’t ask for this to happen to them, but I manage each day as it comes up.

Yes, I would like to go back to a nothing but homeschooling life and blogging, but it probably won’t be for a while.

Tell me friend, can you relate? Has life thrown at you more than your fair share? Have you lost someone dear to you or have had a terrible setback? I don’t have all the answers, but know I TRULY care.

How To Juggle Homeschool When You're Coping With More Than A Mom Should

Look at these other tips on how to juggle homeschool when life hits hard:

Hugs and love ya,

First Time Homeschool Mom: Am I Doing This Right?

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To the first time homeschool mom, gaining confidence to take control and learning how to shape your journey are priority.

Quickly, I’m going to show you the most valuable how-tos, but there are a few important things I need you to know about me first.

This IS about you, but it’s important for you to know where this tried and true advice is coming from so your foundation is stable, solid, and works for the long-term.

Don’t set up your homeschool course on wild guesses, but on what works.

Although you get the benefit of my numerous years of homeschooling (well past 22+ years) and successfully graduating three homeschooled teens, I have also successfully mentored new homeschoolers.

First Time Homeschool Mom

For ten years, I conducted workshops in person with new homeschoolers.

That experience is priceless in knowing exactly what you need now and what can wait until later. Right now, everything may seem important, but organizing your priorities is how to successfully make it through your first year and beyond.

Look at these SOLID 5 steps for new homeschool moms which you may or may not know.

Step 1.
Know What IS and What IS NOT Homeschooling

(don’t buy curriculum yet)

Wait! Don’t buy curriculum.

Also, be sure to watch my videos on my YouTube channel. Look at What You REALLY Need to Know When You Begin Homeschooling.

I want to save you hundreds if not thousands of dollars by you knowing what is and what is not homeschooling.

Many first time homeschool parents have a very narrow view of what is education and to many it looks a lot like public school.

Although, I’m not telling you to throw caution to the wind, I’m saying you need to know if you’re truly homeschooling or just following the public school model at home.

With Covid present now, new homeschoolers are getting a clearer picture of what is public school at home. However, many are not sure what is homeschooling.

Look at this quick list of 4 ways to identify the homeschool lifestyle; you want to fully benefit from the voluminous information about homeschooling.

Tips for First Time Homeschoolers

  • The BIGGEST difference from knowing if you’re just changing the geography of where your child learn is who is in CONTROL. Yes, YOU want to be in control of your time, your curriculum, your approach, and your schedule. This doesn’t mean you can’t get all the help you need from curriculum with daily lesson plans. However you decide what is best for your family instead of an online public school official deciding for your kids. For a more in-depth explanation, read The Great Homeschool Hoax – Public School At Home.
  • Homeschooling means that you can use ANY means available to you to teach your child and not just workbooks. Look at 45 Ways to Define Homeschool Curriculum – Is Your Definition Holding You Back to expand your definition. Use the resources you already have available.
  • Homeschooling or learning takes place many times outside four walls and not in front of a computer always. Again, you decide based on your family’s need.
  • Homeschooling means that curriculum doesn’t teach anything, but that YOU do. It’s not as scary as it sounds. The scary part is choosing which laid out curriculum to use. You have lots of excellent curriculum choices which take you by the hand and are great for new beginners. Here is a Big Ol’ List of All-In-One Homeschool Curriculum (a.k.a Boxed) which has subjects laid out day by day.

After getting a pulse for what is truly homeschooling so you benefit from the freedom, you need to know your homeschool state laws.

Step 2. Not Just Know Your State Law, But Know How to Meet It.

(don’t buy curriculum yet)

It’s quite easy for me to tell you to go look up your law, but that does you no good when you’re not sure how it works day to day.

I have a list of different state laws I created on my Facebook Group. It not only has homeschoolers from each state explain the homeschool law, but they also give you practical how -tos on how to meet it.

Too, you can find the homeschool laws on HSLDA by clicking on the map for your state.

IF you don’t have facebook or need more help to know how to meet your state law, email me, PM me, or comment here and I will help you to understand it.

Step 3. Learn that Homeschool Curriculum is Organized by Homeschool Approach.

(don’t buy curriculum yet)

Next, this step is the most overlooked of ALL the steps and it’s the one that is the most sanity-saving tip for the first time homeschool mom.

Conquer the overwhelm of choices in the homeschool world by knowing that curriculum is organized by homeschool approach will save you tons of grief, time, stress, AND dollars. Believe me, take a bit of time to read them and know them.

I know you’re eager to get started homeschooling, but the worst mistake you can make is to use a resource which brings you daily stress.

Homeschooling for Beginners

Learning which approach suits your family gives you time to cut the curriculum hunt to manageable.

For example, if you know the workbook approach did not work for your wiggly learner, but that a Charlotte Mason or Unit Study approach may, then you’ve narrowed your curriculum choices.

Increasing your success the first year comes from knowing which homeschool approach aligns closer to your child’s needs.

Although there are many approaches in the homeschool world, not all are equally popular for various reasons.

Here are the most popular Top 5 Approaches New Homeschoolers Need to Know which will get you off to a much better start.

Another step to ensure that you’re doing this right is to assume that you’re child is in the current grade level.

Step 4. Don’t Assume Your Child Is In the Next Grade Level Just Because He Was in that Grade Level In Public School. (BIG Mistake)

(don’t buy expensive curriculum yet, but do use easy or free curriculum in the beginning)

I know countless new homeschool families I’ve helped which feel that reviewing lower grade levels is a waste of time. It is not.

I’ve now brought my New Homeschooler Boot Camp online to help many more new homeschoolers. You will benefit from learning the detailed how-tos.

How to Start Homeschooling

Look at these superior reasons why beginning your homeschool journey by reviewing lower grade levels or easy concepts solidifies a strong start;

  • Kids become masters of material by reviewing concepts they may or may not have mastered. I’m not saying do this for the whole year. Take it easy in the beginning so you know exactly what your child knows and doesn’t know;
  • When kids can quickly master concepts, it builds their confidence for starting something new;
  • Many homeschool teachers are surprised by what their child does not know. Using inexpensive or cheap curriculum gives you time to explore and delve into what your child knows and doesn’t know;
  • Using cheap or inexpensive curriculum allows you a longer period of assessment which does not include testing. Tests are one way, but they don’t give you a larger picture; and
  • When you use inexpensive curriculum in the beginning as you learn the weaknesses and strengths of each of your children, you’ll spend your hard-earned dollars wisely.

Practical Advice For First Time Homeschoolers

Last, but not the least important reason to use inexpensive or free curriculum is that you get your teaching feet wet without wasting valuable resources.

Learning which subjects your child’s need to review and which subjects he may be one or even two grades ahead in makes for a successful start. That is how you know you’re doing it right!

Look at this list of inexpensive or free curriculum to help you gauge the true progress of each child, get your teaching feet wet, and understand the big picture of what your child knows and doesn’t know.

Inexpensive Resources for New Homeschoolers

Although any inexpensive workbook will give you a place to start while not spending a lot of money, some homeschool families prefer the ones I have listed below.

Don’t forget too that the Dollar Store, Sam’s, and Wal-mart are great places for finding inexpensive worktexts to start guiding you on what your child knows and doesn’t know.

Another one i love to recommend is like a Summer series which most public school parents would use during the summer to keep their kids’ skills sharpened.

The summer bridge series is great to use to kick off your year because they have a bit of each subjects area in the book. You get a better pulse of what your child struggles with.

Too, I find the series give parents an idea of what their child wants to learn or piques his interest.

Also, Evan-Moor , Spectrum, and Brain Quest cover a wide range of subjects and concepts. Some homeschoolers end up keeping a few books for review, to round out other subjects a child may be struggling in, or to use stand alone in a subject.

Brand New Homeschooler

Lastly, the most important step of all while you’re doing this is to deschool.

Step 5. Deschool.

(buy SOME curriculum NOW)

Take the kids out of public school one day, begin homeschooling the next day; it’s a common rookie mistake. And it seems almost impossible to change to a relaxed mindset when you jump from one stressful situation into another one. Deschooling is the first step for any new homeschool family.

Watch my video How to Deschool – Are You Doomed If You’ve Never Deschooled. Ins/Outs of How to Deschool! Are you doomed if you never have deschooled.

Also, my post Deschooling: Step One for the New Homeschooler (the Definitions, the Dangers, and the Delight) gives you the reasons why deschooling is important.

I would love to mentor you through my online self-paced New Homeschooler Boot Camp as I’ve had for numerous new homeschoolers who a decade later are still on the road homeschooling.

There is definitely a right and wrong way to begin your homeschool journey and you’re already taking the road less well traveled. Don’t make it harder than it has to be by adding stress and jumping into it.

Taking time to educate yourself first will save you tons of stress and money down the road.

I am here for you if you need my help. What is your current struggle right now?

Also, look at these other super practical, tried and true tips!

Hugs and love ya,