When and how to allow children to exert their independence can be a controversial one, but helping our homeschool children find their inner drive when we are not sure we have it is something that all of us ending up facing at one time or another.
Homeschooling for me means being real even at times when I may not want to talk about certain things.
One of those things I question myself about is I’m a hovering homeschool mom.
Like anybody else, on my good days, I have the snap to be sure we are starting our day off right. But today, I want to share some tips for when you don’t have the drive to homeschool.
Is it fair that we expect our children to carry on because of their inner drive when we don’t have it? ABSOLUTELY! I’ll explain in a minute.
Does Micro Managing Mean No Supervision?
Thinking back to when my sons were babies, mischief knew no bounds. They had a fearless attitude about investigating everything they wanted to. It is more like a reckless determination they have when they are babies.
Then it happens. They get “trained” and somehow, if we are not careful, we can introduce to them negative views about the way they are suppose to learn.
Loosely translated here that normally means on our time table, on our schedule and in the place in the house we normally think it is better to learn.
We confuse accountability with scrutiny.
Micro managing does nothing but squeeze out every bit of delight for learning that a child is naturally born with.
We want to feed our child’s inner drive and allow them to be independent to the extent that we can.
One way to be sure you have a child that is totally dependent on you for his homeschool journey is to plan every subject for him instead of with him.
What I am saying is that an inner drive for any person and especially our children is connected with a measure of independence. Sometimes though finding the line between helping and hovering is not so easy.
It makes complete sense that we should expect our kids to carry on with pursuing their dreams and goals because we are raising them to be independent adults.
This starts from the smallest act they should be doing on their own. It starts with self-motivation to begin their homeschool day.
Feeding their inner drive is a gradual process based on tiny little decisions they get to make each day.
When kids are young, include them in choosing topics they want to study about. It also could mean transitioning them to an assignment sheet for the day.
As they grow older, it means giving them goals for the week and letting them meet those goals without our constant “helping” hovering.
Many days because of being tired I questioned my method of education. On days when I was at my weakest, my sons were thriving because of the freedom they have had each day to foster their self-motivation.
I hope these 3 tips help you on days that your get-up-and-go didn’t even show up for the day.
These tips helped me to remember that the effects of my training them was still ongoing.
1) Allow our kids to make decisions as much as possible now. Thinking ability is something that is learned, not passed on. When then should we start loosening the reins of control? Well, for each of my sons it has been different.
It is not so much a determined age as it is a gradual process.
As I mentioned before it starts off small in the younger years and it could mean providing a place for them to put away their books for the day, assigning them chores and explaining the expectations of whatever assignment they have and then walking away to allow them to do it on their own.
As my sons have grown older, it has mean allowing them to visit customers at their home with my husband’s supervision as they have helped to run our family owned business.
There has been ample opportunity for them to make decisions homeschool related, life related, or otherwise.
When they make their own decisions and it clearly starts with their homeschooling choices, then for whatever reason you may be lagging behind in your motivation, they will keep pushing through for the fact that it is their decision.
Inner drive is about being motivated for the right reasons.
2.) Clear Consequences. Constant worry about whether they will get their school work done constantly wears you out only. Failure has been the best teacher for my boys.
It is only natural as a parent that I want to protect my sons. But when they have made some stupid decisions or even said stupid things, clear cut consequences have made lasting impressions.
Motivating Homeschooled Kids
It is not an attack on your parenting when you allow your children to learn from their mistakes, but a credit to it.
Earlier I talked about setting goals with each of your children. At first when they are little, it is about a goal for a subject or for the day.
As they grow older, it is about setting goals for a week or even a longer period.
The very basics of setting any goal is clear cut expectations and clear cut consequences. They go hand in hand.
You need to understand from them when the work is expected to be done and they need to understand from you what will happen when it is not done. I find that works way better than me constantly asking them about when their work is complete.
As adults, we like to work on tasks at times good for us. We feed our inner drive through the freedom to choose tasks when and how we want to do them.
Children are in training and adolescents are “adults in training”, so it is no different for them. There is no need to have continual conflict in my home when school is not done.
Clear cut consequences for their lack of follow through is the best teacher. Even at times when I have been embarrassed by their actions, I have not hidden it or justified to another homeschooling family if any of sons’ actions were negative. My sons, on the other hand, have learned valuable lessons whether it’s from their negative behavior, lack of doing school work or just plain laziness.
3.) Homeschooling IS about preparation for adulthood. As the new year may be getting ready to start, I try to remember that homeschooling takes on so much more meaning that completing a math book or doing a handwriting assignment.
By comparison, academic things have been easier than teaching my sons that nobody will be sitting by them for the rest of their lives motivating them to study, work, learn how to make good decisions and get along with others and respect them.
Their attitude toward learning, their view of their school for the day and how they spent their day have been huge indicators of the men they are turning out to be.
Aptitude or Attitude
I have learned backing off as a parent doesn’t mean backing down when needed.
Too, by nature I am not a hands-off mom. I love all the interaction, big hugs and probably more so when they are in high school.
More than I can say in words, I love interacting with my sons. This type of relationship with my sons will not change.
Helping your children find their inner drive doesn’t mean they have to be alone during the day.
It does mean allowing them choices to ponder, dream, plan their future and foster a love for learning that will feed their inner drive.
I don’t have to have the inner drive each day, I just have to show up each day.
You’ll love these other tried and true tips below!
- How to Get Homeschooled Kids to WANT to Learn?
- How to Cope Successfully With Homeschool Mental Stress
- How to Go From a Boring Homeschool Teacher to Creative Thinker (Boring to BAM)
- Inspiring Your Homeschooled Kids to Do Chores – Cleaning or Character Building?
- 100 Easy Ways Kids Can Fight Boredom & Celebrate Childhood
Hugs and love ya,
