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4 Undeniable Reasons People Hate Homeschooling (Keep It Real)

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After homeschooling for about 19+ years, I've given up thousands of hours of free time, a lucrative career, put my health on the back burner, and some years I regrettably spent way more time with my kids than my husband. I felt like quitting homeschool many times, hated homeschooling more times that I can count, and many times I've felt like all I was doing was arguing with kids. If I wasn't debating with one of them, I felt like my brain cells were being agonizingly sucked out!After homeschooling for about 19+ years, I’ve given up thousands of hours of free time, a lucrative career, put my health on the back burner, and some years I regrettably spent way more time with my kids than my husband. I felt like quitting homeschool many times, hated homeschooling more times that I can count, and many times I’ve felt like all I was doing was arguing with kids. If I wasn’t debating with one of them, I felt like my brain cells were being agonizingly sucked out by doing another mind-numbing math algorithm.

I’m pulling back the curtain to reveal the ugly side of homeschooling. Today, I’m sharing just 4 undeniable reasons people hate homeschooling because you and I both know there are more. In the spirit of keeping it real and because I want you to know that I’m not a supermom, I hope by exposing to you the overwhelming struggles that homeschooling moms endure, you’ll be prepared to confront them head-on.

I need to tell you a story first. It won’t take too long, I promise. But you need to know where I’m coming from.

In my last weeks of pregnancy with Mr. Senior 2013, he was breech. The doctor told me he wanted to perform a version, an external procedure where the doctor turns the baby. With both hands on the surface of your stomach, one hand is by the baby’s head and the other by his butt. The doctor pushes and rolls the baby to a head-down position.

Is Homeschool Fatigue Really Okay?

With my husband beside me and a staff of doctors ready to do the procedure, my doctor gently reminded me again that this procedure is one of the most painful procedures in childbirth. By not sugarcoating it, I could somehow prepare my mind and body or so I thought.

Though the experience was one of the most agonizing of my life, the result was that my son was born healthy and headfirst after the procedure. Nothing could of prepared me for the pain. No mindset even came close.

Some years of homeschooling are similar. No amount of mental preparation seems to make you ready for the fact that homeschooling takes over your life.

Like that procedure, I needed to have my mind and body ready for the task ahead.

Homeschoooling is one of the hardest things I’ve ever done and there are more times than I can count that I hated it.

I’m hoping by sharing these 4 not so glamorous things about homeschooling and a few ways of how I coped that you’ll also be ready when you have times when you flat out hate homeschooling.

►You’re never alone. You can’t even hide out in the bathroom.

Oh sure, homeschool moms will tell you to hire sitters. I did. And when my extended family live closed, I got help. The truth of it is that a lot of homeschool moms don’t have the luxury of family living close or knowing a lot of people in the beginning that they would trust with their kids.

Homeschooling is pretty much about being around your kids most of the time. From the time they were babies, even getting a shower for the day was a major feat. Many days, I cried in frustration because I was not able to homeschool, let alone clean my house. Those years were very hard. They didn’t equal to anything I had coming up though in the preteen years. More on that in a minute.

However, the time did come when my sons were old enough to respect my alone time. At first when they were little, I used a timer. I set it for 25 minutes. The rule was they couldn’t come into my room to talk to me. Like all moms that love their kids there is always exceptions for emergencies and fighting kids, but for the most part they knew to leave me alone. They thought it was a game and I didn’t care. But making a plan for self-care propelled me through that time.

Now, when my young adult sons throw their big hairy arms around me as young men, drive me to places, cook food for me and tell me how much they’re glad I homeschooled them, the hard years seem like a fading mist.

Words can’t even express the love I have for them and how very, very grateful I am that I didn’t get bitter, give in and send them to public school.

No, but homeschooling is not easy.

►Kids are unmotivated, lazy, back talking, and disrespectful.

I’m not talking about other homeschooler’s kids, but about my own kids. Yes, I’ve experienced all of those things.

At the time when those things were happening, I thought it was because we were constantly around each other. It wasn’t.

Instead of being a homeschool issue, it was a discipline issue. It’s hard to see that at the time because homeschooling gets blamed for everything.

I learned homeschooling brings out not only the good in your kids, but the ugly too. When habits haven’t been formed for learning, then you can’t go forward. Homeschooling gets blamed because that is how we spend most of our day.

The truth of it is that negative behavior exhibits in homeschooling because it’s hard work.

The easy thing in parenting is to not deal with the disrespecting at the moment and to blame homeschooling because our kid’s attitude toward any work is much pretty crap all the time.

First, I had to correct their attitudes and save my energy for those upheavals in our day. No amount of homeschooling or excellent and superior curriculum will correct that.

Homeschooling is not for the faint of heart. When you have to diligently parent and meticulously homeschool in the same day, it makes for many rough years.

Because I did both parenting and homeschooling at the same time instead of sending my kids away where bad behavior may possibly be nurtured or overlooked, I’m grateful that I could deal with it as it came up.

I won’t win the parent of the year award now that two of my sons are adults, but I have won their hearts and have a wonderful relationship with them. It’s built on mutual respect, dignity and love for each other.

►People are going to think your kids are “weird” regardless of what you do and how well-rounded out your kids are.

Although two of my sons have graduated with high grades, are successfully pursuing their interests, and have tons of personality, people still look at them and me weird.

And no, we don’t milk goats, raise chickens, or homeschool my kids under a rock. But I don’t have a problem either with people who choose to do that.

It’s important for you to know that I’ve never cared much about what people think about me or my choices. And I’m PROUD that my kid’s don’t get their chains yanked by people who are mindless and bend to every current whim or ideology by the masses.

What will not ever go away is the stigma attached with homeschooling kids. That they are awkward and social misfits. Some days you just don’t want to see the eye-rolling or hear the muttered, “Ohhhh”.

What are the Benefits of Not Quitting Homeschool?

► Many times, the house just doesn’t get cleaned. Easy to deal with when it’s not your home.

I’ve heard a lot through the years about the house cleaning thing. In the beginning, I didn’t have the right attitude either or I thought, again.

As a neat freak, overbearing, critical about the details person, I had to do a lot of soul searching if I wanted to survive homeschooling. Balance is not easy when you already don’t get any time to yourself or have hormonal teens.

Looking back now, I’m so glad that I didn’t give up the need to have clean surroundings, but learned that I was not balanced in how much I needed to do.

All that matters is what you and your husband want when it comes to a clean house. Now, a lot, but not all of our friends are homeschool families like us. They understand books strewn about, projects growing on the counter, and science projects with foul smells in the refrigerator.

The most important thing I learned was that unless I was feeling calm about the house mess, I couldn’t be at my best while teaching. However, I too had to compromise. Instead of doing everything I wanted to do on my house cleaning day, I learned to do the important things to me, like a clean toilet, clean linens, and clean floors.

House cleaning is about compromise and that means it will never be done your way as long as you homeschool.

I’m not finished yet, do you want to know a few more things that you will face in your homeschool journey? Have you encountered any of these things so far?

Look at my 31 free Boot Camp for New or Struggling Homeschoolers where I keep it real, Why My Homeschooled Kids Are Not Given the Choice to Go to Public School and Homeschool Quitters, Dropouts and Wimps (Want to Join Me?).

Hugs and love ya,

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Mixing It Up: How to Combine Homeschool Approaches (Without Losing Your Mind)

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Mixing It Up How to Combine Homeschool Approaches (Without Losing Your Mind) @ Tina's Dynamic Homeschool Plus

Get off the curriculum hunt and get back to understanding just your child. It sounded sane enough and it was because it was my mother’s advice. Today, in mixing it up: how to combine homeschool approaches (without losing your mind) is not about loving or leaving a homeschool approach, but how to combine your favorite ideas from each one.

When You’re Not a Curriculum Expert

It can be painful to make a decision that you thought was the best for your family. It was for me. Not only was it painful to leave my loved classical approach, but it can have you questioning your ability to teach your kids.

Finding balance is not easy and like others, I made some knee jerk decisions about curriculum with my classical approach and then found myself coming back to some of the things I loved about it. Look at my post, How to Use a Boxed Curriculum Without Giving Up Your Homeschool Approach.

Look at these things that I learned and that I hope will help you to avoid the same insane trip I made.

Analyzing a few of these things before I dropped my homeschool approach would have saved me  needless stress.

Forget What Type of Homeschooler You *Think* You Are.

I know, we all like to say that we are classical, unit study homeschooler or unschooler or whatever type, but I learned that choosing an approach right away is not what is most important.

What is important is analyzing which parts of a homeschool approach will work for your family.

By labeling yourself right away or identifying right away with a group, you think you may have to follow all of the parts of a particular approach.

That is what I did. Because I wanted strong readers, I felt the only way to do that was with a classical approach.

That brings me to the second point, which is to identify the teaching idea or suggestion that makes you excited about teaching.

Examine EACH part of a Homeschool Approach.

Research in great detail about what you do like about the approach you are drawn to.

Again, I did this wrong. I read in generalities about the different homeschool approaches and then I chose a homeschool approach instead analyzing the pieces first.

It reminds me of a point that Susan Wise Bauer said when teaching reading and that is to teach pieces to whole.

Teaching is much the same when you are trying to determine a starting point. What am I talking about?

Look at these fine points that I wanted to teach though I didn’t know how to bundle them up, so to speak, as a homeschool approach.

  • Having a love for learning lifelong was important.
  • Being able to teach not only rigorous academics, but a Biblical view was important.
  • Having lifelong readers was important.
  • Hands-on learning is important, especially for wiggly boys.
  • Learning as much together as we could.

Comparing what is the mainstay points of each homeschool approach with your goals allows you to see the strong points and the not so good points about each approach.

It Only Matters How Your Kids Learn.

Another vital point to mixing homeschool approaches is to read about, become an expert in and learn the best points of each homeschool approach that works for your kids. This was a fantastic point made by my mother.

Again, this is a huge area I made a mistake in. Not only did I overwhelm myself in trying to understand all the approaches, my focus first should of been on how my kids learn.

That is the reason I had to let go of doing classical homeschooling because it is not hands-on focused.

Mix It All Up and Determine Which Approach Has More of Your Checklist.

Then next because you need a starting point for curriculum, one homeschool approach needs to be your dominant approach.

It helps to narrow your focus not only for curriculum, but about following homeschool blogs and reading books that give you tips on how best to teach the homeschool approach you chose.

For example, look at this list below that helped me to see that a unit study approach was a much better choice for my family.

  • Though reading and history are two favorite luvs of my mine, my goal is to have my sons to introduced to a well rounded list of literature. I know the classical approach is primarily history focus. So I crossed out that part about the classical approach. The unit study approach allowed us to read what we are learning about or our topic and it is a much more better fit for my kids.
  • When it comes to history, the classical approach about covering history in order makes complete sense to me and my kids. So we followed the classical approach when studying history.
  • I love the hands-on approach to unschooling because thought it’s not my learning style, most children thrive, including mine, with a large dose of hands-on activities. However, I prefer a much more predictable start and end to my day and do not leave it completely up to my kids (child lead learning) to find out what they want to learn about. We need more organization, but I take the hands-on aspect of this approach.
  • The relaxed approach of unschooling also appeals to us because it is opposite of my personality. I other words, I don’t leave it up to me to make the complete decision because my teaching style in the beginning tended to be strict and austere. (ugly, I know, but it’s true.) I followed how my boys learned with a relaxed approach and that dictated taking that piece from this approach.
  • Another concept that appealed to us that I did not find in the classical approach or the unschooling approach was learning until mastery. Unit study is a mastery learning approach. My children could learn until their appetite was satisfied and some subjects have very little review or repeat the next year because of how in depth your child go when learning a topic.

When I learned, albeit the hard way, that mixing a homeschool approach should start first with understanding the way my kids learn best and not what just appealed to me and letting go of my ideal homeschooling (i.e. fantasy), it allowed me to follow my homeschool dreams.

Knowing where to begin is key.

Are you struggling with your homeschool approach?

102 Top Picks for Homeschool Curriculum is one of my favorite resources in helping you to determine learning styles and understanding homeschool approaches.

Hugs and love ya,

Tina Signature 2015c

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Visit Tina Robertson’s profile on Pinterest.


Visit Tinas Dynamic Homeschool ‘s profile on Pinterest.

 

Homeschooling – Beginnings are Usually Scary, Endings are Usually Sad, but It’s What’s In the Middle that Counts!

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 Homeschooling - Because Beginnings are usually scary, endings are usually sad, but it's what's in the middle that counts @ Tina's Dynamic Homeschool Plus

Homeschooling – Beginnings are Usually Scary, Endings are Usually Sad, but It’s What’s In the Middle that Counts!

On the street I grew up on, my family got close to a neighbor or family that had a set of twin boys.

The twin boys were younger than me and my sister and we came to view them as “little brothers”.  As the boys grew up, they both became pilots.

We went on some of their first flights in a little 4 seat Cessna as we flew to La Grange,which was another small city nearby. We thought we were cool as we went to grab a steak and fly back home that same evening. (By the way, it was the cutest small plane ever. okay. okay.)

I loved those times as a young girl and have fond memories of our exciting times as we entered young adulthood. But I was equally impressed at all the knowledge and information that went into getting that piece of machinery up in the air.

Did you know the twin pilots had a huge list of items they had on a checklist to check off every time before they even lifted up?

In Search of a Homeschool Adventure?

Without doing that every time, there could be a terrible accident. Not one detail could be overlooked.

Too, the “routine” wasn’t left up to memory.

They had a physical clipboard with their checklist on it and checked off each part as they walked around the plane checking every part of it.

It made taking off less scary.

Homeschooling is scary on take off too and the beginnings remind me of my first air plane ride.

Check out these two tips as you get ready to begin.

EMBRACE THE ADVENTURE.

Any adventure worth taking will have risks.

I hinted about this when I shared When Homeschooling is Not an Overnight Success (Is it Worth the Risk?), but I also want you to understand that risk taking without planning is not necessary when beginning to homeschool.

Though sheer passion will not overcome all tragedies, it is the fuel needed to boost your beginnings.

Just remember though that there simply is no need to have to leap before you look because so many other homeschoolers have gone before you.

The time is long gone when folks did not hear about homeschooling. Too, there are many homeschool bloggers for just about any topic you can think about.

Francis Bacon said, “Knowledge is power” and that couldn’t be more true when beginning to homeschool.

Knowing that an abundance of information exists on the homeschool how-tos, I want to remind you to embrace the adventure.

Homeschool without inhibition. Don’t let fear hold you back from stepping out and trying another homeschool approach.

Grab my 31 Day Free Homeschool Boot Camp to start your adventure.

CHECKLISTS ABOUND GALORE –  GRAB ONE, TWO, OR . . .

Checklists are not only important, but vital or essential to homeschool success.

What type of checklists would you want?

Like the checklists that ensured our safety when taking off and landing, checklists serve as a guide to help you in your adventure.

Because the Middle Is What Matters.

After taking off in the Cessna airplane, it was the breath taking aerial views of the Lone Star State and time we had flying in the air that made our trip memorable.

I soon forget the jitters I had in the beginning of our airplane ride and only remember the trip and the beautiful night sky and not the checklists.

Homeschooling has been much the same way. Beginnings are not only scary, but almost paralyzing. It fades into the background as you get up and running.

Freedom to Have Fun

After you take much energy to get your homeschool up and running, it will be what you do during your journey that your children will fondly remember.

Sure, we all are going to mess up our children at one time or another and it’s almost unavoidable. We’re not perfect parents.

However, mistakes just mean that you get a do-over and you’ll do your due diligence next time to get it right.

And try to remember, that endings are normally sad because life changes and kids do grow up! Make the middle count.

Are you ready to take off? When are you going to start homeschooling?

Hugs and love ya,

Tina Signature 2015c

Are You Following My New Homeschoolers Must Haves Board On Pinterest. It will make your beginnings less scarier.

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The Best Bad Homeschooling Advice (That You Should Actually Consider Trying)

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The Best Bad Homeschooling Advice (That You Should Actually Consider) @ Tina's Dynamic Homeschool Plus

Homeschooling advice is not only limited to new homeschoolers; it can come from any well-intentioned person, even a non-homeschooler.

Even if you don’t look like you need it, you’ll still homeschooling advice. You know what I mean.

The Best Bad Homeschooling Advice

After getting some “bad” homeschool advice, I have to admit that I actually needed to follow some of it.

■ Use a boxed curriculum.

I left behind boxed curriculum after I was past being a new homeschooler.

So when another seasoned homeschooler suggested I use a boxed curriculum while I was in the process of moving, I was taken back by the advice.

I never told her, but that day I did just what she suggested because it made sense.

I purchased a boxed curriculum for one semester.

I gave my boys laid out curriculum, packed my boxes and we made a huge move.

I spared myself a lot of anxiety by following that best bad homeschooling advice.

Also, check out my article, How to Use a Boxed Curriculum Without Giving Up Your Homeschool Approach.

■ Get your mom or dad to help you teach a subject or two.

If you have parents that are not supportive of homeschooling, then one of the best ways to get them on your side is by asking them to help you teach a subject or two.

It’s not exactly what you want to hear and especially if your parents are not supportive of your decision to homeschool.

However, grandparents bring a richness of life and a whole wealth of experience that your children deserve.

When the boys were real little, my parents lived on the same wooded acreage as we did.

My boys would run over to my mom’s house every day after school to “narrate” back what they learned. Having a captive audience when I no longer could listen to them helped them to retain information more readily.

If your parent’s health is good, they may be better at teaching a subject or two that you may be weak at.

My mother excelled at math and math has been my weak area always.

Her influence on my sons has been a valuable asset to my homeschooling journey because two out of the three sons are advanced in math. I am grateful.

Did I mention that time away from me was a break for my boys? Check out my article, How Grandparents Can Inspire Your Homeschool Journey.

■ Stop running around so much!

Ouch! That one hurt.

I thought the “good little homeschool mom” kept the roads hot while she took her children to “socialize”.

Slow down, stay at home and homeschool was the best piece of advice I could have received from a seasoned mom when I started my journey.

Of course at the time I had the miffed look thinking that was bad advice because I was going to be sure my children didn’t crawl under a rock somewhere.  Can you just say ugly?

Humbled by what I know now many years into my homeschooling journey, I spared myself a lot of wasted time on the road when we could have stayed home a bit longer.

Too, I have never wanted to be known as a sensitive homeschooler or one who takes offense easily thinking that all homeschooling advice is well- intentioned, but misguided.

Homeschooling is about a whole hosts of difficult choices, so I am glad that I actually tried some of the best bad homeschooling advice I’ve ever had.

How about you? Have you ever received some best bad homeschooling advice?

Hugs and love ya,

6 Things I Won’t Regret After Homeschooling 16+ Years

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6 Things I WON'T Regret After 16+ Years of Homeschooling. Don't give up because in the end it's all worth it @ Tina's Dynamic Homeschool Plus

If this post, 6 things I won’t regret after homeschooling for 16+ years helps you to make even one tiny step toward homeschool progress today, then it’s well worth it.

Each day can seem to make unplanned demands on our time.

And some days it’s difficult to say the least to decide when to let things go like the house or to not school for the day.

Homeschooling has never disappointed me though I have been disappointed in my own attempts to homeschool at one time or another.

6 Things I Won’t Regret After Homeschooling 16+ Years

Here is what I won’t regret when I faced giants though not always feeling so brave and not always having it together each day.

■ I don’t regret letting go of the thinking that homeschool was something we did on the side and that it was a burden that I added to my day.

For the first five years or so of homeschooling, I really had to fight to carve out our time for homeschool.

Some days I just didn’t feel like the homeschool routine. I had to give myself permission to feel weak at times.

It’s not that we had so much going on all the time, but looking back now what I didn’t realize was that I was building lifelong habits of study. It was hard work.

It was different doing a research project with the kids or even reading to them, but I am talking about enforcing a general start time to each and every day so we could be productive.

It took a lot of energy to form my sons’ habits, but what a payoff I was in store for as they hit middle and high school grades.

My kids were and are the ones now getting off their devices, or cleaning up their messes in the morning so they can start school at 9:00 a.m.

Did I mention, I just follow along now as the boys get our day started?

■ Call me Bible thumping or weird, but I don’t regret one minute of all the time we spent with just fellow Christian homeschoolers at field trips and in co-ops.

Our field trips and co-ops were a time to share the highs and lows about homeschooling with others that were not going to judge me.

And no, I didn’t want to vent to somebody who just thinks that they know what I am talking about when it comes to living the homeschool lifestyle.

■I don’t regret not immersing my boys into association with those who went to public school.

My oldest two boys are confident, strong and determined young men now. And capable of making decisions apart from me.

I didn’t deliberately keep them apart from public schooled kids, it just happened naturally.

Too, I don’t want my sons judging other people for choices they make. Don’t we have enough of that in the world? Public school was just not for us.

However, as you homeschool longer, you appreciate too your schedule is not in sync with the schedule of public school.

Through the many years, I have heard new homeschoolers say it’s important for their children to keep their friends from school.

It really is hard to do that and a lot of it depends on how long your kids went to public school.

As homeschool families, we are not really being off-ish. We just live a completely different life and it’s not running parallel to public school.

For my boys, it wasn’t necessary that they huddle in the evening with the neighbor kids to hang out.

We already went to field trips or co-ops during the day. Evening time was naturally spent with Dad when he got back from work.

■I don’t regret exposing my sons to my vulnerabilities as the teacher.

My boys are not robots of me and neither do they have an overly inflated view of me or my teaching.

I want you to know this because, sad to say, some homeschool parents aren’t homeschooling because it’s the best thing for their children.

Instead of keeping what is best for their children as the foundation of their homeschool, homeschooling can turn into a prove-that-I can-quest.

The mindset what-can-I-do-to-top-your-teaching-method can invade the body of a homeschool mom and she can turn into somebody that she doesn’t even know herself.

Homeschooling becomes a competition instead of a course. Ugly.

The child does get left behind (pardon the cliche) because we can set out to prove that the method we feel is the best is the best.

I learned early on that what worked for me and what worked for my sons were completely different. Look at my article, 5 Signs That You Need to Switch Your Homeschool Approach.

Jumping head first into a teaching style that was opposite of the way I thought I should teach, I showed my boys that homeschooling was about them.

Exposing the Vulnerable Side to Homeschooling

They appreciated that I too struggled and it made me a much more sympathetic teacher with them when they struggled.

■ I’ll never regret using a boxed curriculum when I needed to.

Through the years, I have read many pros and cons about boxed curriculum.

Boxed curriculum can get a bum rap because when it’s first used some homeschoolers don’t use it like they need for their family.

Teaching a child is not an exact science for each child and the boxed curriculum doesn’t really teach anything. You learn that you are homeschooling a child.

However, with the many ups and downs in homeschooling, it has been a breath of fresh air to use laid out curriculum and pick and choose which assignments we will do, which ones we will skip and which ones we will tweak.

By the way, that is how you used a boxed curriculum.

I have no regrets in using all that is available to us as homeschoolers.

■And I will never, never regret all the teachable moments we have had so far together while letting the housework and laundry go.

When I shared this poem below each year at my workshop, I could hardly finish reading it because I couldn’t get through the words without tears or a cracking voice.

It’s hard for me to share it with you today because it reminds me of how fast our journey has gone by.

Homeschool Survivor or Champion?

It has come true in my case because I no longer have babies.

So I want to encourage you to remember that you don’t have long to homeschool. And in the end it is about having no regrets.

Babies Don’t Keep

Mother, oh Mother, come shake out your cloth
empty the dustpan, poison the moth,
hang out the washing and butter the bread,
sew on a button and make up a bed.
Where is the mother whose house is so shocking?
She’s up in the nursery, blissfully rocking.

Oh, I’ve grown shiftless as Little Boy Blue
(lullaby, rockaby, lullaby loo).
Dishes are waiting and bills are past due
(pat-a-cake, darling, and peek, peekaboo).
The shopping’s not done and there’s nothing for stew
and out in the yard there’s a hullabaloo
but I’m playing Kanga and this is my Roo.
Look! Aren’t her eyes the most wonderful hue?
(lullaby, rockaby, lullaby loo).

The cleaning and scrubbing will wait till tomorrow,
for children grow up, as I’ve learned to my sorrow.
So quiet down, cobwebs. Dust go to sleep.
I’m rocking my baby and babies don’t keep.

What will you not regret at the end of your journey? (And yes, I do have tears when I read that poem each year.)

Grab some more go juice below!

Hugs and you know I love ya,