Why my homeschooled kids are not given the choice to go to public school sounds harsh. Also, you’ll love more tips on my page The Dynamics of How to Homeschool Easily and Smarter.
Also, extreme homeschooling or parenting is not my style.
However, I do strive for being a balanced parent, which I feel is much more challenging than setting fast and hard rules.
I had loving and balanced parents and still maintain a close relationship with them.
Let me back up and explain first that your childhood affects your current parenting and homeschooling style.
Oh sure, my parents made their fair share of parenting mistakes, like any parent will, but extreme, dictatorship-like decisions based on my parents’ personal whims was not one of them.
True, I realize not all parents are good parents and then a child from that type of family who may have been dictator like wants to restore balance when they are parents.
But in the quest to restore balance, parents can inadvertently give a child the idea they have as much experience as the parent.
Communicating lovingly to me and often why I couldn’t do something was always foremost in how my parents modeled to me.
Good Decisions are MODELED Not Wished For
Switching back to present day and helping many new homeschoolers, I noticed a common trait among some parents.
Some parents beginning to homeschool want their child’s approval regardless of age to homeschool.
And yes of course a child’s age has a lot to do with this but maybe not. More on this in a minute.
Through conducting thousands of workshops in person, (my courses are online now) I noticed some homeschool parents bring negative patterns of their parents’ parenting or lack of it to their current homeschool.
It’s true homeschooling and your learned parenting patterns are inextricably linked.
Too, I’ve homeschooled long enough to know that public school and homeschool are two VERY different approaches.
See my post The Great Homeschool Hoax – Public School At Home in how I help others see two DIFFERENT ways to educate.
In addition, I’m not saying homeschooling at all costs either. Some simply do not have the circumstances although they want to homeschool.
Back to parenting. Wouldn’t you agree that balanced parenting is harder to achieve than laying down arbitrary rule making
Look at some of the common mindsets that I have avoided and/or adopted which worked for me in helping my kids see that homeschooling can be a superior education.
ONE// I don’t think a homeschooler is called to homeschooling.
I do feel that homeschooling is THE BEST choice for ANY child.
Besides the obvious low teacher ratio, homeschooling is about choice of schedule, choice of academics, real life experiences, and an overflowing amount of enriching activities.
Which family doesn’t deserve to have a shot at that?
I do not think only certain families are called to homeschool, but all families should have the option.
However, just because homeschooling is the best method for every child to learn, it doesn’t mean everybody has the circumstance to.
Good is not wished just upon some and others not.
The bottom line has been that because each year I had the circumstances to homeschool.
I knew it was the best option for any child, a life changing decision was not given into the hands of a child who may thinks he misses a friend or two.
TWO// Homeschooling is similar to the mindset needed for a lifelong commitment.
Marriage calls for a heavy commitment up front when you don’t really know your future husband until you start living with him no matter how long you dated.
Jumping into marriage without trying to find out as much as you can about your husband is not wise by any stretch of the imagination.
More Resources for Why My Kids Are Homeschooled
- Transitioning from Public School to Homeschool For a Relaxed Lifestyle
- When Homeschooling is Sucking the Life Out of You
- Why My Homeschooled Kids Are Not Given the Choice to Go to Public School
- 26 of the BIGGEST Gripes about the Homeschooling Lifestyle!
- The NOT To Do List: 32 Things New Homeschoolers Should Avoid
- 100 Reasons Why Homeschooling is a SUPERIOR Education
- It’s a New Homeschool Year and My Child Wants to Go Back to Public School
- Deschool – Get off the Public School Treadmill!
Also, look at some of these resources I have for you and my book too.
5 BEST How to Homeschool Books
I've rounded up some of the best books to help you get started homeschooling.
Homeschooling 31 Day Boot Camp for New Homeschoolers is a real eye-opener on homeschooling. It will alleviate a lot of the anxieties about getting started homeschooling. Reading each chapter’s highlights will give you encouragement, knowledge, guidance, and peace of mind to homeschool with confidence. The best part is that you’ll be educating the person who loves your kids the most in this world--YOU! Armed with the knowledge to make better choices in curriculum will empower you to continue the path of home education. Unlike many books based on one family’s experience, Homeschooling 31 Day Boot Camp for New Homeschoolers is also based on Tina’s many years of mentoring hundreds and hundreds of new homeschoolers at live workshops. When you don’t know where to begin Homeschooling 31 Day Boot Camp for New Homeschoolers equips you to successfully homeschool your children.
Homeschooling is a wonderful, worthwhile pursuit, but many homeschool parents struggle with feelings of burnout and frustration. If you have ever felt this way, you’re not alone! Most of us need to be reminded of the “why” of homeschooling from time to time—but "The Unhurried homeschooler" takes parents a step further and lifts the unnecessary burdens that many parents place on themselves.
Those who have made the decision to homeschool their children have done so out of great love for their children and a desire to provide them an excellent education in the context of a warm, enriching home.
Parents who are deeply invested in their children's education can be hard on themselves and their kids. When exhausted parents are living the day-to-day grind, it can seem impossible to muster enough energy to make learning fun or interesting. How do parents nurture a love of learning amid childhood chaos, parental self-doubt, the flu, and state academic standards?
Education has become synonymous with schooling, but it doesn’t have to be. As schooling becomes increasingly standardized and test driven, occupying more of childhood than ever before, parents and educators are questioning the role of schooling in society. Many are now exploring and creating alternatives.
Making a marriage work is hard, but thinking in the back of your mind that divorce is an option or a way out makes the effort put forth in the beginning meager and utterly defeating.
And yes, many have had to escape a bad marriage but too it’s easy to give up if you want to separate at the first sign of trouble.
Both of those commitments required HARD WORK and success just doesn’t happen.
Homeschooling is similar to that type of commitment in marriage.
You need to focus more on how to make homeschool work.
And not dwelling on returning to public school .
This requires a resolute determination, a belief in the homeschool approach, knowledge (which is gained) and focused energy.
Decision-Making Ability is a Gradual Process
It’s easy to assume that all of our homeschool years are going to be sunshine and rainbows, but you and I know that is a lie.
Like most teens, mine too have gone through times when they too buck the decisions my husband and I make.
Our process to help them has always been the same and we did this by:
1.Listening to my boys without interrupting them or telling them they can’t feel that way.
They should have their own opinions and our decision for them to not have the choice to go to public school doesn’t deprive them of how to gradually start the decision-making process.
When boundaries are created a child or teen has a safe environment in which to learn.
2. Explaining the reasons why they don’t have a choice to go to public school.
Your reasons may vary, but a few of our reasons usually went like this; this is a superior education, society has changed and we want our influence on you, your course load in high school can be lighter or heavier, you have more time for a social life instead of caged, you can have a job earlier, enjoy an apprenticeship, be free of bullying, be free of the atmosphere of drugs and savor freedom.
THREE// Let’s talk teens, rebellious years and even single mom homeschooling.
3. Acknowledging that we are capable of mistakes. Too, let our children know all decisions are made out of giving our children the best.
4. Finding the solution or fixing the problem. For example, if one of my boys felt like he was missing out on friends, then I MUST fill that need. And you know that unless you decide to homeschool under a rock, activities are endless for kids.
Matter of fact, finding other boys their age was a problem in our homeschool and I created a thriving co-op. Out of that co-op, my boys have lifelong friends.
They also wanted to be with other homeschooled teens more, so they took art lessons, and ballroom dancing.
I didn’t stop there, I planned movie trips and outings for boys and I planned for 2 or 3 field trips per month instead of our usual one. Yes, w
Single mom homeschooling is also more prevalent today and because homeschooling can be flexible to a mom’s work schedule, many single parents are lapping up that freedom.
When we give our kids the option to return to homeschool a mindset can set in where they think that something better exists, when in fact we are giving them the very best!
Why unnecessarily place defeat in front of you or your children?
Additionally, teens vary on their maturity. Just because a teen reaches a certain age doesn’t mean he or she is capable of sound decisions.
I’ve helped many parents pull their teens out of public school because of drug problems, bad friends, or just because the teen is worn out or worst bullied.
A teen still needs a parent who is loving, caring, and balanced and they need it now more then ever before.
Be Willing To Work Hard as the Homeschoool Educator
While true, it’s important to listen to your teen it’s better to have your teen in a safe environment so their confidence soars.
Here are some do NOT:
- Don’t use the return to public school as a threat. It may give your kids the wrong impression of people who have had to use public school. Besides threats and intimidation is not a way to parent.
- Don’t keep asking your children if they miss school. They are only going to tell you what their limited experience has been and they do not have the ability to make life changing decisions.
- For sure don’t ask a homeschooled teen if he thinks he should return to public school. Problems will not get better when he is away from you, they only go below the surface for a while to reappear.
- Don’t think a child has to experience bad or experience public school to appreciate good. If that seems to be the case, focus on how to help them appreciate what they have. Appreciate means to hold in high value. Attitudes and actions prove appreciation or lack of it. A return to public school doesn’t build that in children.
Leave behind rigid and unbending rules, but set your homeschooling up for success by creating boundaries for it.
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I am the same,MyKids dont get a choice in the matter. This is our path and it is the best one for us!
Absolutely!!! Being rock solid about this decision from early on in homeschooling, leaves very little wiggly room for rebellion later though it may happen.
Thank you so much for this article! I started homeschooling my 2 girls, ages 10 and 13, last year. They had previously gone to public school (up to 6th and 3rd grades) and did NOT want to homeschool (especially my 13 year old). I was hoping that after a year of seeing the benefits of homeschooling that she would embrace it but she is still adamant that she wants to go back to school. Nevertheless we are homeschooling again this year. But I am waffling on sending her back next year (her first year of high school) because I don’t know if I can take it anymore! I’m tired of fighting her on this. I don’t have to make that decision now, but I’ll keep your article in mind when I have to make a final decision. I know I shouldn’t give in to my daughter but it’s just so very hard to homeschool someone who does not want to do it. SO easier said than done.
Hi Eileen,
I just couldn’t wait to tell you how much I appreciated your comment. It spoke volumes to me because I can just feel your struggle.
Hear my heart, this is the HARDEST age to homeschool, much less it being your second year.
Public school puts their claws early on in our kids and kids can feel ‘entitled.’ Of course, when they are young, it’s easy to say I’m the parent. When they are older, reasoning with them is vital.
Having many fights with my teens, I SO sympathize with the daily fighting, attitude and disruption.
Only you can make the decision, and I can only share what I have seen work and not work.
One thing I learned is that as long as you are kind and mild (hard to do) in telling her that this is the best, (she doesn’t have to agree and I told my boys that often) it helps to soothe the irritation.
ALSO, though see about some things she wants to learn this year or classes she wants to explore. Be willing to do what is necessary to make your enjoy this year.
One year is NOT near enough to be free of public school mentality either…..
I took note of one mom told me when I had my first teen and that is IF you don’t guide them now, when the going is tough, they will always be telling YOU……………. then I would never get my boys to listen to me or teach them how to work things out…
In other words, you don’t want to teach her that her dictating what she is going to do is the pattern for a parent.
DON”T tolerate back talking, but do listen to them and validate how they feel….my boys can’t say anything without a high pitch …I just learned to stay calm and be ready each day to listen to them with my heart to.
Now that two of them are finished (AND YES, I had one who wanted to “try out” school, but I know he had to learn to respect what his father and I said about his well being and Not people at school) they both have said HOW GRATEFUL they are for the “constant” that I was at the time though I didn’t feel like I could go on another day.
They need to know that nobody cares for them like you do. Why put friends in public school ahead of parents?
Tears stream now as they tell me how grateful they are for their unique high school. It has been WORTH every minute of stress.
What I’m saying is even though this is your decision, you have it within you to withstand this and it’s worth it!
Hang in there and I would love to hear how your year is going and a BIG HUG. Rock on Mom, you have this!!
Thanks for your reply. Today was so bad, I am so close to sending her to school. Her attitude is interfering with her learning and I just don’t know how much more I can take. I really am of the mind that I am the parent and it is my choice BUT in reality that is so hard. The dreams and visions and the benefits of homeschooling are just lost on a child who does not want to be here! I just don’t know if I should continue or give up and send her back. I do not see her attitude changing. I try to listen to her feelings but she really won’t talk to me about it, just gets that huff and storms off. It’s not like it’s constant, but when she is mad about it, it’s just so hard. Thanks for your kind words of encouragement!
Eileen,
Hang in there and I LOVE hearing back from you.
Try to remember that a relationship is more important than anything.
So if she is not talking it’s not just about homeschool she’ll stop at..So you’re doing MORE than homeschooling, you’re fighting for a relationship with her..
Sometimes only doing half the school work gets your energy level up for any impending hot situations. I did that many times to keep the peace in the house..and when my boys had good days, we did more work..
Stay after it if you can…and I’ll post anything I can to help…
Tina,I’m telling you, I think you read my mind when you wrote this post. Yes, yes, and yes!!!! Visiting from Homeschool Nook!
Hey Shelly,
So glad it resonates with you. It can seem like a touching subject for sure, but our kids needs parents first, then friends.
I love them enough to disagree with them when needed,kwim? So glad to have you here.