After homeschooling for about 19+ years, I’ve given up thousands of hours of free time, a lucrative career, put my health on the back burner, and some years I regrettably spent way more time with my kids than my husband. I felt like quitting homeschool many times, hated homeschooling more times that I can count, and many times I’ve felt like all I was doing was arguing with kids. If I wasn’t debating with one of them, I felt like my brain cells were being agonizingly sucked out by doing another mind-numbing math algorithm.
I’m pulling back the curtain to reveal the ugly side of homeschooling. Today, I’m sharing just 4 undeniable reasons people hate homeschooling because you and I both know there are more. In the spirit of keeping it real and because I want you to know that I’m not a supermom, I hope by exposing to you the overwhelming struggles that homeschooling moms endure, you’ll be prepared to confront them head-on.
I need to tell you a story first. It won’t take too long, I promise. But you need to know where I’m coming from.
In my last weeks of pregnancy with Mr. Senior 2013, he was breech. The doctor told me he wanted to perform a version, an external procedure where the doctor turns the baby. With both hands on the surface of your stomach, one hand is by the baby’s head and the other by his butt. The doctor pushes and rolls the baby to a head-down position.
Is Homeschool Fatigue Really Okay?
With my husband beside me and a staff of doctors ready to do the procedure, my doctor gently reminded me again that this procedure is one of the most painful procedures in childbirth. By not sugarcoating it, I could somehow prepare my mind and body or so I thought.
Though the experience was one of the most agonizing of my life, the result was that my son was born healthy and headfirst after the procedure. Nothing could of prepared me for the pain. No mindset even came close.
Some years of homeschooling are similar. No amount of mental preparation seems to make you ready for the fact that homeschooling takes over your life.
Like that procedure, I needed to have my mind and body ready for the task ahead.
Homeschoooling is one of the hardest things I’ve ever done and there are more times than I can count that I hated it.
I’m hoping by sharing these 4 not so glamorous things about homeschooling and a few ways of how I coped that you’ll also be ready when you have times when you flat out hate homeschooling.
►You’re never alone. You can’t even hide out in the bathroom.
Oh sure, homeschool moms will tell you to hire sitters. I did. And when my extended family live closed, I got help. The truth of it is that a lot of homeschool moms don’t have the luxury of family living close or knowing a lot of people in the beginning that they would trust with their kids.
Homeschooling is pretty much about being around your kids most of the time. From the time they were babies, even getting a shower for the day was a major feat. Many days, I cried in frustration because I was not able to homeschool, let alone clean my house. Those years were very hard. They didn’t equal to anything I had coming up though in the preteen years. More on that in a minute.
However, the time did come when my sons were old enough to respect my alone time. At first when they were little, I used a timer. I set it for 25 minutes. The rule was they couldn’t come into my room to talk to me. Like all moms that love their kids there is always exceptions for emergencies and fighting kids, but for the most part they knew to leave me alone. They thought it was a game and I didn’t care. But making a plan for self-care propelled me through that time.
Now, when my young adult sons throw their big hairy arms around me as young men, drive me to places, cook food for me and tell me how much they’re glad I homeschooled them, the hard years seem like a fading mist.
Words can’t even express the love I have for them and how very, very grateful I am that I didn’t get bitter, give in and send them to public school.
No, but homeschooling is not easy.
►Kids are unmotivated, lazy, back talking, and disrespectful.
I’m not talking about other homeschooler’s kids, but about my own kids. Yes, I’ve experienced all of those things.
At the time when those things were happening, I thought it was because we were constantly around each other. It wasn’t.
Instead of being a homeschool issue, it was a discipline issue. It’s hard to see that at the time because homeschooling gets blamed for everything.
I learned homeschooling brings out not only the good in your kids, but the ugly too. When habits haven’t been formed for learning, then you can’t go forward. Homeschooling gets blamed because that is how we spend most of our day.
The truth of it is that negative behavior exhibits in homeschooling because it’s hard work.
The easy thing in parenting is to not deal with the disrespecting at the moment and to blame homeschooling because our kid’s attitude toward any work is much pretty crap all the time.
First, I had to correct their attitudes and save my energy for those upheavals in our day. No amount of homeschooling or excellent and superior curriculum will correct that.
Homeschooling is not for the faint of heart. When you have to diligently parent and meticulously homeschool in the same day, it makes for many rough years.
Because I did both parenting and homeschooling at the same time instead of sending my kids away where bad behavior may possibly be nurtured or overlooked, I’m grateful that I could deal with it as it came up.
I won’t win the parent of the year award now that two of my sons are adults, but I have won their hearts and have a wonderful relationship with them. It’s built on mutual respect, dignity and love for each other.
►People are going to think your kids are “weird” regardless of what you do and how well-rounded out your kids are.
Although two of my sons have graduated with high grades, are successfully pursuing their interests, and have tons of personality, people still look at them and me weird.
And no, we don’t milk goats, raise chickens, or homeschool my kids under a rock. But I don’t have a problem either with people who choose to do that.
It’s important for you to know that I’ve never cared much about what people think about me or my choices. And I’m PROUD that my kid’s don’t get their chains yanked by people who are mindless and bend to every current whim or ideology by the masses.
What will not ever go away is the stigma attached with homeschooling kids. That they are awkward and social misfits. Some days you just don’t want to see the eye-rolling or hear the muttered, “Ohhhh”.
What are the Benefits of Not Quitting Homeschool?
► Many times, the house just doesn’t get cleaned. Easy to deal with when it’s not your home.
I’ve heard a lot through the years about the house cleaning thing. In the beginning, I didn’t have the right attitude either or I thought, again.
As a neat freak, overbearing, critical about the details person, I had to do a lot of soul searching if I wanted to survive homeschooling. Balance is not easy when you already don’t get any time to yourself or have hormonal teens.
Looking back now, I’m so glad that I didn’t give up the need to have clean surroundings, but learned that I was not balanced in how much I needed to do.
All that matters is what you and your husband want when it comes to a clean house. Now, a lot, but not all of our friends are homeschool families like us. They understand books strewn about, projects growing on the counter, and science projects with foul smells in the refrigerator.
The most important thing I learned was that unless I was feeling calm about the house mess, I couldn’t be at my best while teaching. However, I too had to compromise. Instead of doing everything I wanted to do on my house cleaning day, I learned to do the important things to me, like a clean toilet, clean linens, and clean floors.
House cleaning is about compromise and that means it will never be done your way as long as you homeschool.
I’m not finished yet, do you want to know a few more things that you will face in your homeschool journey? Have you encountered any of these things so far?
Look at my 31 free Boot Camp for New or Struggling Homeschoolers where I keep it real, Why My Homeschooled Kids Are Not Given the Choice to Go to Public School and Homeschool Quitters, Dropouts and Wimps (Want to Join Me?).
Hugs and love ya,
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EXCELLENT BLOG!!!! ~~I have the unique position of having been from the inside out. I taught public school { 21 yrs. ~now retired, but still Homeschooling ~6 yrs. now ~~been at it since he was 3 and 1/2 and he ASKED me HIMSELF to be Homeschooled!! }~~~ FIRST before my child was born and saw the way it was going ~with the bullying, the history textbooks that they were rewriting incorrectly due to political correctness, and most of all, not being able to talk about Christianity and Jesus,but all the other beliefs of the world were always allowed time by the schools. Being as we are Born-Again Christians and our child has accepted the Lord as His Savior at age 6 and 1/2 , our faith ,beliefs and teaching them are important to us. So ,my husband and I KNEW we would NEVER send our child to public school and as he wanted to learn to read at age 2 and 1/2 after just learning to speak sentences, I knew he was gifted ,and tested him at age 6 so it would listed on all the paperwork . We have never regretted our decision {my husband is retired now,too, so , he helps from time to time on various days},and see it as a privilege that we still get to do in this free land of ours ~the U.S.A.. So, we have a unique situation that is the best for us and works for us . Many people have heard our child speak {he tested out in Vocabulary on the state test at GRADE TWELVE when he was in FIRST GRADE and I have turned it around and said, “Listen to him speak. Do you think our child needs socialization?” ~~ as he talks to EVERYBODY at THEIR level.Each person has ALWAYS said,” No” . I started my own Co-op group and God used Homeschooling as a ministry and I saw at least 6 people turn to Homeschooling their children as a result of meeting and befriending us and our child when we would meet them through Little League, My Gym, my MOMS’ Club, , our church ,or even in the park! .We hope that this right to educate our child through HOMESCHOOLING IS NEVER TAKEN AWAY.
Hi Betsy,
I JUST so loved hearing from you today! What a wonderful experience and perspective you have. I love your energy and it’s so great to be able to bring that to homeschool and begin a co-op. A co-op has been one of the BEST things in our journey as well. I love hearing how your son is advancing. I agree, it’s hard to deny the wonderful advantages of homeschooling! Thanks for hanging out here!
Awesome! I have done both…public school and home school. My oldest, now 21, had dyslexia and got bullied. So we tried homeschool for a year in high school. Too late to try it. My other son had a brain injury from football, so we homeschooled at home for a year. Per doctors guidelines. That was very hard because of the injury. Now, with my four year old, we will be homeschooling. Why? Well, it goes back to your article. All the things you listed don’t even compare with the problems of the public schools. I would much rather deal with a messy house than trying to unteach my children’s what some radical teacher teaches them. And dealing with discipline, you are spot on. In homeschool you have to discipline. But, it’s much better than trying to discipline your teenagers who pick up horrible patterns from fellow classmates in school. Not only that, it was very hard to see when my older children got teased and made fun of for being Christians. My son was struggling with dyslexia and some of the teachers, so he would bring a small New Testament and just read it during study hall. He went to a good school. Was minding his own business. And, kids would tell him that the book was a book of death…or that it was fairy tales. So, yes there are trials with homeschool, but they are preferable over the other options of public schools.
R, I loved hearing about your experience as well. So awful to hear about the bullying.
I love that you can get a re-do with your four year old. And so true what you said from your experience that it’s easier to clean a house than to root out bad habits for sure.
Love having you here!
Thank you for this, and thank you for being honest. When my children are seen as rude and disrespectful, people around us are quick to point out that it is because they’re homeschooled. I, too, have wanted to quit and send them to public school.
Your post has encouraged me. A homeschoolers, we face unique challenges because we are with our children all day every day. It’s hard work, but I am beginning to see the value of putting in the work. Our children should be given every opportunity to realize their full potential, which is something I do not see them receiving in public school.
Again, your post was encouraging. Thank you.
Hi Yesenia,
You are very welcome and I’m glad this resonates with you too.
I loved what you said that homeschooling gives us opportunity to realize their full potential. Well said! Sometimes we forget that in the daily grind.
Great to have you here!