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Homeschool When Nobody Wants To

Homeschool Pressure – When It Is PRICELESS a/k/a Homeschooling the Rebel

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The homeschool world is teeming with negative pressure. And it seems we are constantly worried about doing everything ‘right’, but there is a time when homeschool pressure is priceless and positive.

I was thinking back to a mini unit study we did on diamonds. I was in awe of how some beauty is discovered, like a diamond, which is formed through intense heat and pressure.

The name diamond comes a Greek word adamas meaning unconquerable and whatever the complexities of how diamonds are formed, the end result is a precious and valued gem.

Homeschool Pressure - When It Is Priceless @ Tina's Dynamic Homeschool PlusAt the time of doing the unit study, I was homeschooling a strong-willed child, you know a rebel.

I learned a parenting technique from our everyday learning or unit study.

Not wanting to curb my rebel’s enthusiasm for doing things outside the box, I still had to strike a balance between what I would and would not accept when the little dear told me one day he wasn’t going to do his school.

Finding the line between rebellion and resistance is not easy because they can be very different.

I have never minded a child that disagreed with me or was resistant because it is a sign that he was testing the ability to make good decisions as he got older.

However, rebellion is quite different and I had to have sanctions.

A strong-willed child can be molded like a diamond as I learned. It required just the correct amount of heat and pressure.

Pressure can be a good thing for our children when applied correctly. This is not the same as forced learning which can ruin the natural love for learning.

Like a diamond, some natural pressure is necessary in order to achieve goals.

Along with the resistance to this pressure there is usually rebellion.

I had to learn to look past the nasty looks from my teen to find the root of the problem.

I am not saying overlook rebellion. I have learned to take a teen’s bedroom door off its hinges when needed.(yes don’t slam that door on me, )

I had to come up with a plan for a child that is defiant and strong-will.

Here are some tips that will and will not work.

  • As adults we all want a voice when it comes to determining what part of the day we want to do housework, do school, relax or just zone out.

Children are much the same.

Give them an ear to show you care and if you can, incorporate their suggestion into the day.

Too, no matter how much you may think it can’t be done, let them try.

Failure is a good teacher. But also, try to make their suggestions work. Show yourself a willing participant in their plan.

  • Expectations need to be clearly defined without resorting to losing your temper.

I have a son who tried to push the limits. One day he just decided that he was not going to do math.

He was not going to do it lying down, he was not going to do it sitting up, he was not going to do it outside, he was not going to do it inside. (okay, okay)

The advantage I have though as mom teacher is that I know when he is feeling bad and when he is copping an attitude. That day, it was attitude because he decided he wasn’t going to do it. And he didn’t during school hours.

I had to think how to handle this rebellion because one quick-tempered child to one quick-tempered mother does not a good combination make and I knew it.

So my expectations were very clear that he was doing his math. I told him he was going to do it and I did it without resorting to threats or hollering.

At the end of the school day and because it was Friday, we were on our way into the living room to watch a movie and have ice cream.

When he showed up to be with us, guess what he could not do?

And because I knew movies and ice cream were the “object of his affection”, I just withheld them.

Did I mention how calm I was as as his sweet, little precious nostrils flared out and blew steam?

He got the message and completed his math in 20 minutes, which had been a tug of war for the whole day.

This type of personality needs very CLEAR expectations and then FOLLOW THROUGH on consequences. I learned a valuable lesson too.

  • What will not work is argumentative words.

This type of personality thrives in an environment where he is waiting to debate with you. Just-dare-me can be their motto at times.

Be reasonable and calm, yes hard to do, but think about your other children looking on.

This strong-will child just needs boundaries and will push them and test them.

Defiant, willful, rebellious and confrontational are a few traits of this type of child. This is only what is displayed on the outside.

If we examine our child closer, we see that the inside person can be different if we give a lot of tender and sometimes tough love.

Unlike the diamond, I am not looking to conquer him or break his spirit.

A strong spirit can set him apart from others and when channeled, he can rise up as a strong fierce leader.

Negative traits can be guided to determined, willing and respectful traits.

Value, nurture, guide and be determined to polish your priceless gem in the making.

I thought about this quote when it comes to what it really takes to homeschool a willful and defiant child.

When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain.

What about you? Do you have a precious gem you are raising?

I am here to tell you as a young man now, my ‘rebel’ is fiercely determined and resolute when he sets out to do something and yes, he listens to me too.

I love that rebel turn spirited and passionate person he is today.

Hugs and love ya,

Tina Signature 2015c

 

 

How to Get an Out of Control Homeschool Back on Track

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This post may contain affiliate links. For more information, please see my full disclosure policy.

Those deep about life conversations with your highschoolers are not only memorable, but can keep you on your toes when your teens ambush you.

Right before his graduation, Mr. Awesome 2015 and I were having a conversation after reading a psychology article about the fascinating inner workings of the brain. I love these types of conversations with my teen.

Anyway, the focus of the article was on what is needed to see something through to the end or in our case how to get an out of control homeschool back on track after our last year of moving overseas.

How to Get an Out of Control Homeschool Back on Track @ Tina's Dynamic Homeschool Plus

Now that Mr. Awesome 2015 has graduated, I have been doing a lot of reflecting on the layers of homeschooling and the grit (or is it) that you need to pant on to the end.

Sometimes it’s not my style to write so contemplative, but it does my soul good when I can share with you and with a few tears as I ponder about my past.

Hopefully, you will be infused with a bit more enthusiasm for this lifestyle choice you have made too.

Three Layers of the Homeschooling Lifestyle

Look at these three levels that you go through as you trek through the homeschool journey.

They are absolute key to the driving force you need to finish homeschooling to the end.

Layer 1. Homeschool pleasure equals instant gratification in learning.

Finding instant relief after escaping from public school is how a lot of homeschoolers feel.

Starting out your journey finding pleasure in learning every day is a strong motivator to begin homeschooling.

Leaving behind the model the public school sets for schooling the masses and creating a unique one of a kind education plan for your family is not only rewarding, but essential.

Meeting with other homeschoolers, taking field trips especially in the spring and fall when you and the kids want to spend every minute outdoors and signing up your children for enrichment classes that suit your homeschooling method are all needed in the beginning.

However, they are just momentary pleasures. What do I mean by that?

Is a Force of Habit Good?

Once you get your homeschool off to a great start, the next cycle is a flow.

Layer 2. It’s about the homeschool flow.

The middle layer of homeschooling (I’m not talking about middle school necessarily) can be longer for some than others because of the number of children you may have.

As each child comes along that you fold into your day and you get restless with the changes you made in the beginning, you soon realize that key to homeschool happiness is a flow to your day.

Giving up some of the things that brought pleasure to me in the beginning was a mistake. I still needed them peppered throughout our year.

However, I soon realized that our homeschool journey wasn’t contingent on others.

Though I would never trade our experience for anything for the active co-op Kelley and I lead, you find that a sense of satisfaction comes from doing things that you and your children like doing regularly.

Routine – Monotony or Momentum?

For us, we looked forward to going together to the park when nobody else was there and we did that on a regular basis. We could take our art supplies and sit under the huge shade trees and soak up the breeze.

Key to pushing me through many of those middle years was my routine though I didn’t realize it then.

I thought I was passed needing that flow to my day because we had done so many activities through the years.

Settling into a routine may seem boring, but it’s not about having a dull day. It’s about fostering determination.

Instead of seeking instant pleasure, which is a great kick start, finding your groove in the middle of the trek and settling into a routine that fits your family is needed so that your children can be prepared for a heavier workload in subjects.

Layer 3. Meaningful homeschooling is lasting. It’s a REAL sweet spot.

The last layer is finding the meaning in what you are doing.

That is the key to be contented once you have shed the comparison trap and is the key to being so very grateful and happy that you chose this road.

I have to admit that though I thought about high school or what I viewed as the end of the journey, life past high school for my sons seemed so far away.

In the beginning, I was so focused on how I was going to teach high school instead of realizing that there is life after high school.

Then, homeschooling takes on a whole new meaning.

When you get to this part in your homeschooling, you treasure the choice you made because you spent every spare minute with your child nurturing them into manhood or womanhood.

What I am trying to say is that time can pass, but it’s what you do with your time that makes homeschooling meaningful.

Trying not to go through a box of kleenex each day now that Mr. Senior 2013 has moved out and started his own life, homeschooling was not about co-ops, park days or even choosing the right math curriculum.

It has been about making moments meaningful.

When we dropped Mr. Senior 2013 off at the airport, I didn’t think about whether or not we did a craft or attended enough field trips, I tearfully thought back to the many moments we had from the first time he finally sit down in my lap to let me read to him until we told him goodbye at the airport.

Homeschooling was the best way to give him the kind of childhood I wanted him to have.

When the time comes for Mr. Awesome 2015 to move out, it will be the conversation we had to today that I will think about. By that time, I should have another box of kleenex in the house too.

Savor each layer of life when homeschooling, the best is always yet to come.

Which layer are you are at right now?

Look at these other posts:

Hugs and love ya,

It’s a New Homeschool Year and My Child Wants to Go Back to Public School

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This post may contain affiliate links. For more information, please see my full disclosure policy.

Have you heard from some homeschoolers say it’s a new homeschool year and my child wants to go back to public school? Also, you’ll love more tips on my page The Dynamics of How to Homeschool Easily and Smarter.

If there is a subject that sparks much controversy among homeschoolers, it has to be the struggle of whether or not you should send your homeschooled child to public school.

I hear from new homeschoolers and struggling homeschoolers who tell me that their child misses his friends.

They have no friends now that they are homeschooling or their child just wants to “check out” public school.

It's a New Homeschool Year and My Child Wants to Go Back to Public School @ Tina's Dynamic Homeschool Plus

You are not alone.

Even seasoned homeschoolers wrestle with the same decision some years.

What You’ve Got to Know About Homeschool Struggles

One school of thought touts I am the parent, you’re the child, so you are not given the choice to make that kind of decision.

It is our given right and responsibility as the parents and we will decide.

The second school of thought touts talking to the child to get his opinion, not making the decision a matter of a power struggle and letting a child test out public school.

From my experience in helping homeschoolers, it seems the answer is always a balance of those two schools of thought.

However, I do not agree with the fact that one has to experience something to appreciate the negative or positive affects.

We don’t have to experience pain to know it hurts.

It is true that any child regardless of what age does not have the experience to make such an important decision about their education.

Check out Some of My Favorite Reads Below When Homeschooling Gets Tough

5 BEST How to Homeschool Books

I've rounded up some of the best books to help you get started homeschooling.

Homeschooling for New Homeschoolers: When You Don't Know Where to Begin

Homeschooling 31 Day Boot Camp for New Homeschoolers is a real eye-opener on homeschooling. It will alleviate a lot of the anxieties about getting started homeschooling. Reading each chapter’s highlights will give you encouragement, knowledge, guidance, and peace of mind to homeschool with confidence. The best part is that you’ll be educating the person who loves your kids the most in this world--YOU! Armed with the knowledge to make better choices in curriculum will empower you to continue the path of home education. Unlike many books based on one family’s experience, Homeschooling 31 Day Boot Camp for New Homeschoolers is also based on Tina’s many years of mentoring hundreds and hundreds of new homeschoolers at live workshops. When you don’t know where to begin Homeschooling 31 Day Boot Camp for New Homeschoolers equips you to successfully homeschool your children.

The Unhurried Homeschooler

Homeschooling is a wonderful, worthwhile pursuit, but many homeschool parents struggle with feelings of burnout and frustration. If you have ever felt this way, you’re not alone! Most of us need to be reminded of the “why” of homeschooling from time to time—but "The Unhurried homeschooler" takes parents a step further and lifts the unnecessary burdens that many parents place on themselves.

Teaching from Rest: A Homeschooler's Guide to Unshakable Peace

Those who have made the decision to homeschool their children have done so out of great love for their children and a desire to provide them an excellent education in the context of a warm, enriching home.

The Brave Learner: Finding Everyday Magic in Homeschool, Learning, and Life

Parents who are deeply invested in their children's education can be hard on themselves and their kids. When exhausted parents are living the day-to-day grind, it can seem impossible to muster enough energy to make learning fun or interesting. How do parents nurture a love of learning amid childhood chaos, parental self-doubt, the flu, and state academic standards?

Unschooled: Raising Curious, Well-Educated Children Outside the Conventional Classroom

Education has become synonymous with schooling, but it doesn’t have to be. As schooling becomes increasingly standardized and test driven, occupying more of childhood than ever before, parents and educators are questioning the role of schooling in society. Many are now exploring and creating alternatives.

The responsibility for raising our children with not only academic standards, but Godly values falls squarely on the parent’s shoulders.

The child or teen is not the third partner to the parenting and I have never seen anything positive come from elevating a child to that status unknowingly.

More New Homeschool Year And My Child Wants to Go Back to Public School Posts

On the flip side, children deserve dignity and respect for the things that concern them. They need to be validated.

This means they need to be heard. If we don’t listen to them, yes anything, could become a power struggle.

Children need to know that we will listen to them even when we hit homeschooling struggles.

7 Questions Worth Asking When It’s A New Homeschool Year And My Child Wants to Go Back to Public School

What can parents and a child do to make their homeschooling situation improve?

Here are a few tips and questions to ponder.

1. What brought you to homeschooling in the first place?

The reasons probably still exist. Will they go away if you send them back to public school?

2. Did you explain your decision to homeschool your child in the beginning?

It doesn’t mean you are including your child in on the decision that is yours alone to make, but it shows them that you care about their feelings and future when you do explain your decision.

Children can understand our reasons even though they may not agree with the decision at the time.

What they will agree on later, if they don’t now, is the love you showed in pouring out your feelings to them. There is nothing wrong with showing our children that we are vulnerable.

3. As parents, can we trust in our ability to teach our children knowing that nobody loves them more than we do?

We are perfectly equipped to homeschool for a lifetime.

Too, there is no stronger force than love. I say this now having graduated two of my sons.

Love moves a parent to make ANYTHING happen that needs to so that your child gets what they need. You don’t have to know everything, you just have to be willing to try anything.

4. Are the teachers and peers at school the kind that we want to influence our children?

5. Are families ties strengthened at public school or is there a deterioration of parental respect and authority?

6. Have I discussed with my child what public school is really like?

Some children have misconceptions thinking perhaps their days will be spent in bliss.

7. If what you are using now is not working regarding curricula and your child told you so, will you S-T- R-E-T-C- H yourself beyond your comfort zone?

Each person has to carefully weigh their circumstances.

Any advice has to be sifted through as we possible can’t know the personal circumstances of others.

Examine your circumstances, reconfirm your love for homeschooling and for all the reasons that brought you to homeschooling.

Remember homeschooling is so much more than curricula, academic endeavor and grades.

Those are important, but the heart of your child is of far more worth.
Use your life’s experiences and remember like any journey, we can all lose our way.
Stop, reevaluate, reconfirm, and reboot.

I enjoyed this quote by Henry Ford that puts things in perspective for me each year.

Failure is simply the opportunity to begin again, this time more intelligently.

When He Wants to Go Back to Public School

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As homeschool parents it seems that we can face one set of tough decisions after the other.

At the top of things that can divide a homeschool family is when a child wants to return to public school.

When a child is unhappy at home, why do we take a poll of our parenting skills?

How to Measure Homeschool Success?

It’s normal because we care.

There is nothing wrong with checking our emotions because we can’t let pride hold us back from doing what is best for our child.

When He Wants to Go Back to Public School @ Tina's Dynamic Homeschool Plus
Does a 10 year old really know what he wants to do?

Is a 16 year old capable of making a decision that will make him happy?

How can we determine what is best for our child?

Instead of being judgmental when someone is faced with the decision of whether or not to return a child to public school, I want to share a few points to ponder when facing this gut wrenching decision.

  • Determine the root cause.

I have seen many scenarios through the years of homeschoolers who returned their kids to public school.

Getting to the root cause of the unhappiness in our child is a must.

One homeschool family I mentored had kids that were unhappy because their family made many moves and changes during the year.

The children were craving routine and stability in their lives.

Their son struggled horribly in public school before bringing him home.

That wasn’t going to change if they decided to put him back in school.

The family made a faithful attempt from then on to keep things the same and add routine to what was too much of a relaxed schedule for their son.

  • Do You Accept that Your Best is Good Enough?

Another example of discontentment in our children can be the fact that mom might have to work.

Even if mom does not work full time, a part time job still takes time.

I have helped homeschool moms working part time as a bus driver for public school, running a day care in her home, working as a night nurse and selling products by going to other people’s homes.

Do your best to give your children what they need as far as field trips and making new friends while you also provide a living for them.  Then, accept the fact that you are giving your very best to your children.

We would never ask our children to give anymore then what they could, then we shouldn’t set a negative example by doing that to our self.

Let go of feelings of guilt.

Though a child may not want you to go to work at night or babysit other kids in your home, as they grow older they will appreciate your dedication, deep love and conviction to provide for them.

Can you give your child some of your exclusive time? Little ones take naps if you have a day care in your home and the mom that drove the public school bus had a good amount of time off during her lunch time, which she spent exclusively with her kids.

Both of these families realized that their kids needed some exclusive time during the day.

  • List It.

Like us, kid sometimes want to believe in the grass is greener attitude.

I have found that by sitting down and listing exactly what they think they are missing out on because of homeschooling, then the true effects of any potential decision can be weighed.

What do they like about traditional public school? What do they like about homeschooling?

Looking at it this way also helps a child learn how to weigh out decisions not just now but in the future when decisions are more significant.

Seeing pros and cons written down concretely versus what floats around in our mind can be an eye opener.

It also solidifies any decision you have to make.

Instead of failing at homeschool when a child is unhappy, I have often found too that a family just hasn’t quite found what works for their particular circumstance.

It may be a need for change in their routine. They may need a more relaxed one or they may need to buckle up and buckle down on their routine.

Too, circumstances are ever changing and only each family can ask questions like:

  1. Is the extra income worth it?
  2. Can I carve out time, even one hour, to be with the child that is unhappy?
  3. Can I implement the suggestions that my child made?

A lot of children are just too young to make a decision for their happiness.

As parents we are not looking for just momentary happiness but the decision that is best for them lifelong.

What will they say when they get older and look back at their education?

Finding the root cause of a child’s unhappiness, being content with the very best we can give our kids if our time is split and helping our children to get real about what they think they are actually missing out in traditional school gives you a solid starting point for making the best decision for your family.

Though in my heart, I believe that homeschooling is the best decision for any family, I know that there are just some things that can’t be controlled.

I encourage you to make the best of your homeschooling circumstances.

Sometimes when we think we want relief by sending them to public school, we find that what drew us to homeschooling in the first place still exists.

What advice do you give somebody that is thinking about sending their kids back to public school?

Hugs and love ya,
2015 Tina Signature c

Check out these resources for when homeschooling gets tough:

Look at these articles too:

Homeschooling – A Trial Run?
Cultivating the Desire to Homeschool
Finding Joy in Homeschool When You’re Not Really Feeling It

Finding Joy In Homeschooling When You are Not Really Feeling It

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This post may contain affiliate links. For more information, please see my full disclosure policy.

Finding joy in homeschooling when you are not really feeling it is not easy when you don’t know the secret to keeping to it.

First, it really is important to think of the blessings we have received and progress we have made to this point. We need to be thankful for them.

Finding Joy In Homeschooling When You Are Not Really Feeling It @ Tina's Dynamic Homeschool Plus

Discontentment is about not appreciating the progress you and your children have made so far.
The overwhelming pressure to keep pushing our children and our self to maxed out limits triggers discontentment.

Fault finding and complaining are close allies of discontentment. Discontentment can rob you of homeschooling joy.
Because we are imperfect we will always have feelings of being inadequate.

Too, we are not immune to this world’s constant bombardment of thinking that more academics and beginning at a very early age equates to homeschooling success. <

Miserable or Merciful Homeschool Mom

Second, as moms if we constantly fault find with our children and keep switching curriculum in the hopes of finding something better, we rob our children of valuable time that could be spent together.

The most rounded out, happy and contented successful homeschooling families have all shared a common thread.

The environment the child learns in and the attitude of joy that was maintained by the whole family was of far more importance than being overly concerned about national test levels.

True, it’s not easy to feel joyful if we are sick, have fallen behind in our goals, have a household of young demanding children, or have very little support from our husbands as far as homeschooling.

However, focusing on the things we do have, can do and the progress made so far are all incentives to fueling up my homeschooling tank again.

Do You Value the High Cost of Homeschooling?

Do you view it as a privilege to homeschool?
When it’s viewed that way we never take it for granted. If joy is missing in your homeschool day, have you spent time reflecting on the positive?

Savor the progress you made this year. Progress is measured in tiny baby steps. If it’s moving forward at a crawl, it’s still progress.

Contentment is of great value in your journey. Do not compare your progress to others.

Journal or record the progress however tiny it was this year.

The secret of joyfully homeschooling for one year, five or even ten years is sweet contentment.

What about you? Have you found the secret to staying the course?

Also, look at 7 Homeschool Lies I Want to Tell My Younger Self, What I Gave Up to Homeschool (and what I got in return), and 6 Things I Won’t Regret After Homeschooling 16+ Years.

Hugs and you know I love ya,

Signature T

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