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"Hormonal Teenagers or High Achieving Teenagers? "

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hormonal teenagers or high achieving teenagers

I use to fret and worry over what it would be like when I homeschooled my teenage sons. Now that I homeschool two teenage boys I can say my worry should have been time spent elsewhere.

Too, before I go on, don’t think my life with two teenage sons is quiet, mild and uneventful. It can’t be like that when you have a mix of very strong personalities in one house.

Having teenagers though has really has been a blessing to me these last few years. Yes, hormones are real at this time, but too I feel that this world places an unduly amount of authority on teenagers before they are ready to juggle adulthood. I feel it’s all part of the “growth” of a person and we need to carefully choose our battles with our teen.

When there is as struggle in my home, my husband and I look back and see that the influence from this world and stress we receive from it, triggers reactions from my sons. The bottom line is that my husband and I are adamant on having a loving and nurturing relationship with our teenage sons.

We realize that not all the time is it hormones. True, I have been reading all I can about hormones and teenagers but it seems like most of the changes occur later in the teenage years and not early on.

I know my sons are very self- conscious and even get embarrassed at me laughing out in public. These are all signs of adolescence. Ask any mom or dad what they did “wrong” for the day and you will get ALL of the answers from the teen. A list no doubt.

But here is another thing I have noticed about teens and I don’t feel it can be chalked up to hormones.

When my sons want to achieve growth, whether it’s in handling personality conflicts with their friends, finding a job, learning to drive or moving ahead in another subject in our school day, they have moments of pure unhappiness and stress. Their day is spent in turmoil and it’s not because of hormones but because they do want to mature and grow.

I think to myself, isn’t that a natural thing?

Yes, as a mom I don’t like to see them unhappy but I realize too that part of being an independent adult is working our way through these conflicts in life. I feel hormones only complicates the problem.

Here are some questions I keep in minding when sizing up a “problem” in my daily dealings  with my two teenagers:

  • The teen wants to be viewed as an adult ready to take charge of his life. Although he may not be ready to do so, am I ready to let go of my view of him as a child?
  • Do I as a parent realize that highschool is A TIME to prepare him, not coddle him for adulthood?
  • Am I balanced realizing too that he cannot fully be left on his own to figure out some of life’s problems?
  • Have I taught him that no matter what he faces in life, that God is his best friend and will never leave him?
  • Will I let go of my “personal” feelings and realize that this is a stressful time in his life and “hurting” my feelings is not his intention?
  • Can I help him to deal with his own personal growth?
  • Do I realize like ANY individual, he has an inherent desire to do better and achieve?
  • Can I see that not all conflicts are hormonal and may stem out of the desire to have better relations with friends, a better work ethic, a better relationship with God, move ahead in school and that that is what I have been working for ALL along in my journey?
  • Do I come to the high school years only to crush my teenager and keep him a child?

I am DETERMINED to keep my life as stress free as possible so that my sons have an environment that they can both grow in and when experiencing hormones, I can be here to raise them up.

Hugs to you and your teenager today,

©Tina Robertson

School Room Tips!

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Not every year have I had a school room. I know I mentioned it before, but if I was told once I was told numerous times that I would never use a room. That was far from true.

What I have learned is that opinions and advice come from “perspective”. Don’t they all? :o)  Look at some school room tips!

Homeschooling from the beginning, I can say that a designated school area went a long way to training my toddler and preschoolers to sit down quietly for a few minutes.

school room tips

It kept crafts, toys and books to one area thus helping me in keeping my house more organized while the children were young and I had minimal help. I did not ruin them by thinking that learning only happened in “one” room. But it might have ruined me…lol if I had let messes be ALL over the house.

Now. that my newborn is 10 years old, we do school at the dining room table, however, I STILL have a designated area of the house where all of our curriculum is kept.

Here are some of my school room tips:

1.If you have space, consider having a school area and train the children to put things back.

2. The best stores that had great storage items through the years were Target and Ikea.

3. In the spring time, look at the hardware section for children. I use bright plastic colored buckets available at spring time for supplies. Kid size lawn chairs for them to sit and read in was a big hit.

4. Not all ideas of public school are bad. The best thing that worked for me is a kidney shaped table that was adjustable. Myself and all the kids could sit around it and do crafts and write.

5.If your children are all very young, consider “stations” in your room. One table was crafts, one table was “writing” and another was file folder games. This allowed me to work 1:1 with one child while the others were in the same room with us.

6. Clear plastic containers from the dollar store with a screw lid was the best storage items when the kids were young. We could clearly see what was inside, it was safe for my toddler but yet they couldn’t open it so I could keep it down on lower shelves.

7. I bought a small forward facing book shelf (the kind use too in public school) that was child height that I could switch out classical books each week on. I would choose some from the library and some I had and I would give my young children “choices”. The point here is that I could still guide them to good literature but it allow them to “think” they had freedom. In their free time, they would choose a book.

8. My husband put up a clothes line and attached it almost to the ceiling for me. He zig zagged it back/forth so I would have more than “one” line. I attached all the art work with clothes pin and hung it from there.

9. When my children got older, I also used a “bar height” activity table that had drop down leaves on both sides. My space was limited in that room so the activity table was perfect.

Chairs were important then because I needed chairs that had bars for their feet to rest on since we were sitting up real high. So be careful not to pick just any barstool.

The activity table was purchased at a huge furniture store and was intended for an island in the kitchen but was PERFECT for our limited space. It had TONS of storage under it. It had two shelves and we put away our curriculum under it. When the leaves folded up and extended, we pulled the chairs up to it.

10. If you have room for bookshelves think: some closed storage and some open storage. Closing off and not seeing messes goes a long way for sanity.

Also, for cheaper versions or even more sturdy shelves look at Automotive Shop stores that have brightly colored shelves that are aluminum. Some roll and some do not. I used those too. They are cheaper but still nice if you can get them in black or red as they do not intend for them to be used in the home. They are sturdy, have plenty of storage, cost less and even lock. I used steel hooks to hang items off the side of them. They are great too for storing small items like lapbook items along with sewing containers.

Hope you are inspired to try out a designated area.

Hugs

©Tina Robertson

When does homeschooling become "normal"?

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As moms when we lack sleep because of endless hours nursing the baby, shuffle a family schedule to line up with dad’s chaotic work schedule, or have our own health issues gnawing at us, a ‘normal'” school schedule can seem a challenge to say the least. It seems to be some elusive lifestyle that alludes us.

When does Homeschooling become normal

Tied in with that feeling of wanting to be normal is the negative thought that only through normalcy will we accomplish anything or succeed at homeschooling.

Focusing on things that we have no control over, but realizing that we are just like everybody else will help curb negative thoughts. We all struggle from time to time, you are not alone. If you are new, you might get more woes in your first couple of years of homeschooling. Seasoned veterans might experience challenges several years down the road after they have enjoyed many blissful years.

The point in dealing with these struggles is to realize that when our time, energy, minds and hearts are focused on ONE thing, like succeeding in homeschooling, we don’t have time to focus on what we cannot do. There is no room in our minds for negative thoughts to drain us of priceless energy.

Habits are formed by a lot of hard work and determination. This is the same for our habit of thinking. By allowing negative thoughts to creep back into our minds, and they will from time to time because we are just human, it will take our FOCUS off of succeeding.

True, we may wish our present stressing circumstance to go away. However, it is more realistic to realize that it is our minds we have control over and nothing else. Work hard at forming the habit to be more positive in our thinking.

Avoid extremes when you are going through hard times and want your homeschooling life style to return to normal.   Remember that circumstances are TEMPORARY at most.

Accepting your present limitations, keeping your mind singularly focused on what you CAN do will energize you.

Support groups, family members, a fellow homeschooler and being around other people who have a desire to succeed in homeschooling will keep your fire raging when you feel you’re smoldering.

Homeschooling never becomes normal, we MAKE it happen each day, one day at a time.

Be sure to go through my Free 31 Day Boot Camp for New Homeschoolers.

Hugs and you can do it,

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"But the little dear doesn’t want to homeschool"

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In our workshops we hear the statement often “but the little dear doesn’t want to homeschool”.  Okay, maybe not quite like that, but you get the idea.  And it’s not from just parents of preteens and teens, but from parents who have very young children, as young as 5 years old.

The Alarming Truth Behind Who Makes the Decision to Homeschool

I work very hard at not trying to change the expression on my face to total disbelief as I can’t possibly understand why a 5 year old is empowered with such authority to make a decision like that.

Soon afterwards what I find out is that usually the parent feels some kind of guilt and asks their young child if they feel they are missing out on something by not going to public school.

Most young kids I know that age enjoy buying a back pack and lunch boxes and that is their idea of fun and “school’.

If it’s not guilt, then discipline seems to be the issue and not a homeschooling issue.  Ouch. It’s not easy to talk about it because we all bring our own childhood experiences from our parent’s experience or lack of experience in parenting.

Maybe we as parents now feel we should empower a child of any age with the power of choice and perhaps it stems from the parent having a controlling parent and not being allowed to make any decisions when growing up.

What may seem like a brick wall in homeschooling with our child may actually be something we as the parent may be wresting with.  We may have set up our own obstacles to homeschooling.

It is not easy by any stretch of the imagination to be a parent, much less a homeschooling parent.

I am not saying to be a dictator in your home.  Quite the contrary because most of us are homeschooling because we want to raise independent, confident and well-rounded children who have the ability to make sound decisions.

But we need to allow children privileges to make decisions that are within their ability and to scope to make.

Allow them a bully-free environment to learn in, nurture them, provide them with love, and friends and plenty of time with you.  But give them clear cut boundaries as to what decisions they can make.

Knowing what is best for our children and deciding what is best for their future even during the teen years is our God given responsibility.

Even with good motives we may be unintentionally abdicating that precious privilege when we  empower our teen or 5 year old with the ability to make a decision like homeschooling.

If the heart of the matter is a discipline problem, then put your homeschool on “auto pilot” right now and deal with the discipline issue.

Behavior doesn’t get any better as the child grows older because a child may feel empowered or equal in decision making ability with you as the parent.

On the flip side, if we threaten our children by telling them we’ll send them back to public school, you can see where that would not endear a child to love this new way of learning.

If your 16 year old doesn’t want to homeschool tell him you value his input, BUT it will be so.   Again, though provide him plenty of opportunities to see the advantages of homeschooling.  Now that Mr. Senior 2013 has finished school and is making his own decisions, I look back and understand that I had to be his mom first then friend.

A few things that can kindle a teen’s love for homeschooling is being allowed to work part time, perhaps driving sooner, finishing school earlier, getting started on college earlier, taken more subjects like art, music study, feeling more rested, and less bullied.  Perhaps you may win over your best advocate for homeschooling.

Too, if your 5 year old thinks he is missing out because of not having a lunch box and back pack, buy him one.  But never barter about your precious privilege as parent and home educator.  It is a cherished privilege.

Hugs and love ya,

2012Tinasignature 3 Traps to Avoid When Home and School Come Together Mid Year

Grab some more to read!

When Homeschooling is a Mistake

Cultivating the Desire to Homeschool

Making Each Day Count When Homeschooling

How To Fake Homeschooling

"Homeschool with a preschooler and toddler?" I DARE you!

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This post may contain affiliate links. For more information, please see my full disclosure policy.

The question when you start to homeschool is whether or not you accept you the challenge to homeschool while you have preschoolers and toddlers in the house.  Some days, I felt like I had accepted a dare like I would have done in my childhood.

Homeschool with a Preschooler and Toddler

There is no question about it. Homeschooling with toddlers and preschoolers is one of the toughest times in our homeschooling journey.  That is even an understatement.

All the planning and organization for the new year and conjuring up in our minds how our day will be so smooth goes wrong when the first toddler or preschooler wakes up.  Yep, that early in the day they wreak havoc.

There is no denying it.   A ten month old and a two year old can have you seriously doubt your ability to homeschool.  All I wanted to do was work with my 4 year old on three letter words.  I couldn’t get to the first subject without an interruption.   It was discouraging to say the least.

Take comfort, I am here to tell you it WILL get better.   However, it won’t happen without effort and persistence.

You see what I learned was that the way I spent my time with them counted. They were going to grow regardless of whether I made the time count or not.   I realized that we were ALL in training.

Developing the qualities that serve me now during our homeschooling day were learned THEN by my young children.

How can I do that when they are so young? First, teach to a “routine” and teach your oldest child life skills (did I mention they are the same for study skills in high school?) like patience while you tend to the needs of the youngest children.

Our households should beat to the rhythm of the youngest NOT the oldest.   That is right.   Do NOT have the oldest child think they are superior in the sense their learning will take place at “all costs”.

See what I am getting at?   When we teach that education is at ALL costs, we have all ready set our family down a path that we don’t want to take.   As parents, do we want to adopt the competitive spirit of this world when it comes to education?   More and more hype is placed on parents on what a 3 year old is suppose to know academic wise and not building skills that effectively will equip them as adults.

Weigh seriously what we “model” for our children by how we care for “interruptions”.   Do we show them that we compassionately give to care for the other family members?

After I re-evaluated how I would deal with interruptions, then I was in need of some practical pointers in running my day.   Here are some that helped me.

  • 1. Realize that what you are doing NOW IS homeschooling.   It is a “different part” of your journey and so important. What I was teaching was patience, being punctual, having respect toward another sibling’s need to learn, need to nap, have a snack or need for love.   Do you have that on your lesson plans for the day  ? Are you teaching them to not live in an “all about me” world?
  • 2. Understand that this take “mental” and “physical” strength, so pacing is required.   Realistic goals for the day are more like covering one subject, simply reading out loud for the day or covering information in 10 or 15 minutes segments according to attention span.   This promotes family togetherness and a “routine” that I have kept until now and the start of our high school years.   My sons are  much more closer to me nows AND to each other.   We TRULY did not leave ANY child behind. :o)
  • 3. Do not shoo the young kids away now, ONLY to wish they would sit down with you later.   They just want to be included.   Hold them, comfort them, love them, stop and care for them and pray with them.
  • 4. Take the dare.   Set your house up and day by thinking ahead as to what can help you to “minimize” interruptions, messes or work.   Some mess is necessary, but why give a young child a glass glass instead of a plastic glass?

I know some moms that do.   Are you just looking for work if he drops it and it splatters into a million small pieces?   Can you prepare a simple breakfast like bagel and peanut butter and cover it on the kitchen cabinet until they are hungry?   I never knew when my younger two would get up in the morning because it always varied.   If I was right in the middle of a reading lesson, I bought myself some more time with my oldest because breakfast was all ready prepared when *I* had the time.

In the end result, you will have produced children that are a true blessing.   Children that are patient and see the need to stop what they are doing to care for another family member’s need.   Children that are punctual to sit down, ready to school, respectful of your authority and secure knowing mommy or daddy will dutifully care for their needs.   All the “book learning time” WILL come.   As hard it may be now, this time is such a precious time, enjoy every minute of it.

©Tina Robertson