Admitting homeschool failure is not easy. Homeschooling has always been the right choice for our family although many years I wasn’t sure if I was the right teacher for the job.
When you feel like a homeschool failure as a teacher, it can be a pretty gray period because you feel like you have really messed up your children.
I was a contributing factor for Mr. Senior 2013 getting behind in math.
Yep I did, I messed him up. First, let me tell what I did and then tell you what I learned.
Homeschool Failure or Wrong Ways to Homeschool?
We had been using Math U See and I didn’t think he was absorbing the formulas as well as I thought he should; I switched him to Teaching Textbooks right before high school.
Shortly after we started using it during high school, I realized that Teaching Textbooks put him behind and that he was actually ahead of where I thought he was.
So we switched back to Math U See.
Can I just tell you how bad I felt?
Although I had been homeschooling for a while, I still didn’t recognize that Mr. Senior 2013 was just at a plateau and that some of the concepts he would soon understand.
Look at some of these tips that helped me to sort through the feelings of failure I had and get us back on track.
What if they are not just getting it?
This is a tough one because each child is different and many factors affect whether or not your child is understanding a certain subject or curriculum.
Looking back now, I should have backed up to the point where Mr. Senior 2013 understood the curriculum and isolate the math concept instead of right thinking it was the total curriculum.
When I did this later on after I made the switch of course, I realized he was getting most of Math U See, but had only reached some upper level math that required a bit more time to understand.
Questioning Your Homeschool
I knew Mr. Senior’s 2013 ability to work at higher levels and instead of accepting his difficulties as part of his development, I thought he needed to keep sprinting forward. Pushing was the mistake on my part.
I knew Mr. Senior 2013 excelled at math and did not need constant repetition.
Instead of trusting his learning style, I was afraid that I was going to hold him back and in the process I did.
What I am trying to say is that his learning style was not going to change over night and I should have looked at other things that affected him instead of just the curriculum.
What do I feel like we are going backwards? That was another question I had to ask myself.
I had to analyze everything we were doing. Was I not spending enough time with him because the younger boys were tugging at my time?
Was his schedule too full?
Knowing that Mr. Senior 2013 flourished with routine, was I allowing too many outside activities to interfere with our routine. These were all questions I had to go back and answer.
As I have learned now, one solution would have been to take off a month and do review and go back over previous mastered material.
I could have easily grabbed one of those inexpensive work texts and just let him sat at his comfortable level for a bit until the frustration passed.
It was hard for me to come up with that solution because math is one of his best subjects.
I just didn’t realize then that my kids would even need to step back in subjects they excelled in.
Last thing I wanted to do was to bore him with previous mastered material.
That was just the thing he needed as he was going through a period of physical growth.
School had to to take a second seat to allow time for his physical and emotional development.
Is the problem in just one subject? This is another tell-tale sign of how I knew it was developmental.
When we had problems before, it was normally one subject and that is a clue that maybe I needed to switch out that one curriculum.
Other things were going on in my son’s life that helped me to see that the curriculum was not the culprit.
He pretty much struggled with the everyday basics of doing school.
I didn’t take this lightly because this was my kid who was such a joy to teach because he loved routine and didn’t have to be told to start school.
Again, it’s easier to look back now. At the time I felt like I pretty much was failing my child because I didn’t have the luxury of looking forward.
Mr. Senior 2013 was going through changes when I did a honest self-evaluation.
He was getting real mouthy, disagreeing pretty much with everything I said, started looking for a job and expressed his concern about supporting himself.
I finally understood that when I felt like a homeschool failure that my son needed me more than ever. Not all failures are a “curriculum thing”.
He couldn’t figure out what was wrong with our homeschooling because of his inexperience.
I needed to step up and help us sort through it without my son feeling like I was going to send him to public school or throw in the towel either one.
Instead of feeling like a homeschool failure, I realized the time was closing in on how much time I would have with Mr. Senior 2013.
Mistake I Will Never Make Again
I focused on the satisfaction of knowing that his changes in puberty was a part of his life that I was proud to be part of as me and my husband guided him along.
Experiences like feeling like a homeschool failure build a deep down resolve and dogged determination to keep on homeschooling when you come through them and can finally pinpoint the problem.
Update 2020: As I write this, my three kids have graduated and are now adults. I’m mentoring a preschooler.
All the tears, all the worry, all the stress pales into comparison to how well-rounded and successful each of my kids are. What I’ve learned is that teaching my kids about defeat, how to get up, and move on have been of way more value in their every day life than being behind.
I’ve learned it was IMPOSSIBLE to teach everything, but I taught them how to research everything they wanted to know. When they have perceived gaps now as adults, they are not intimidated. I can’t hold back my happy tears.
Moms, you GOT THIS!
Look at these other tips about how to find solutions when you feel like nothing is working.
- The Dos and Don’ts When You Hit A Learning Plateau in Homeschooling
- When You Are Afraid of Homeschool Science Gaps
- First Time Homeschool Mom: Am I Doing This Right?
- 65 Best Teaching Tips for Embracing Homeschooling Multiple Ages and Ideas You Wished You Knew Earlier
- 15 Old-Fashioned Useful Skills Homeschoolers Love To Teach
- How to Mesh Your Personality With Homeschooling When They Collide
- 100 Reasons Why Homeschooling is a SUPERIOR Education
- How to Know What A Homeschooled Child Should Learn Yearly?
- Homeschool Critics: How Do You Know You’re on Track?
What about you? Does this resonate with you?
Hug and love ya,
I can’t seem to find your link to your rebel or resister post. We are at the beginning of our 3rd year home schooling. My 14 year old son started hating school after a terrible teacher experience. I wish I had started sooner because it took over his whole outlook on school and we still haven’t recovered. (1st grade!). I have two other children 10 and 8 who work well with almost any type of method I have tried. However, I am struggling to get through at all to my teen. Independently on the computer, lessons from the table or text, unit studies, video learning it doesn’t matter. He acts like it’s torture. His retention in public school was way better than this. He did get good grades there. The fact that we moved in with my grandmother in the next town over doesn’t help. Though he does maintain friendships from there. I have tried to go with interest led learning but he claims he isn’t interested in anything. I don’t even know where to begin. My husband thinks I should just send him back to school, that the level of accountability will be much higher. My son says he probably won’t like that either. I have turned into a complete nag. I don’t think that punishments are the answer, my husband disagrees. Help!
Laurie
Hey Laurie,
Sorry it takes me a while to answer but I get overwhelmed with email and want to be sure I answer yours too.
Well, this is a hard situation!! Here is my post that talks about resistance versus rebellion. They are very different.
https://tinasdynamichomeschoolplus.com/2013/08/13/day-26-homeschool-rebel-or-resister-are-you-the-cause-31-day-boot-camp-for-new-homeschoolers-on-my-blog/
They key here to remember is that it may not be homeschooling at all, it may be rebellion. In otherwords, the problem presents itself while homeschooling because you’re spending a majority of the time with him.
My blog post talks about that. So you need to separate those two issues. (rebellion or resistant because homeschool is hard).
One tell-tale sign is if he is pretty well rebellious about many things during the day. Then it’s a discipline problem.
If that happens, it’s better to go slow on homeschooling while you “adjust” his attitude. Each family has different sanctions.
But for my boys, phones and devices are PRIVILEGES, not guarantees or just a given,kwim?
With one son, it took a few meals not eating. (Yes, it reminds him to speak in a normal tone of voice.)
I did much talking and reasoning with my sons and told them I was reasonable and wanted to find a solution BUT school they were going to do school. I had to remind myself that my younger children were looking on and how I handled this was a role model for them.
I didn’t use the possible return to public school as leverage or discipline. We chose to homeschool and public school was never an option.
I would rather face my discipline problem head-on and right now than for him to get older and not have a relationship with him.
So I dug deep for sanctions like no device time, no friends time and no TV and if he is driving, no using the car.
I told my son that he WAS going to do school and if he didn’t have a choice in which curriculum, I would pick.
You can also use an online school like American or Penn Foster where he is accountable and it lays out his work and he can call a teacher. This keeps him with you and your influence but gives him clear cut guidelines and accountability without resorting to sending him back to public school.
In my experience, a return to public school only masks the problem for a short time only for it to happen again and then as he is older he is less incline to listen to you.
I hope that helps some..
Thanks for this. It’s very timely for me. We switched from Saxon to MUS last year because math is my son’s weakest subject, and he needed a new approach. MUS is working wonderfully for us, but I started searching curriculum again when someone said it wasn’t rigorous enough. I finally decided, if it’s not broken, why fix it? We’ll stick with MUS.
Melissa recently posted…Our Homeschool Week Review – March 5, 2015
Hey Melissa,
I heard the same advice about it not being rigorous enough and IT IS NOT TRUE. I am here to tell you after doing two boys with it, it is challenging.
What I like about it is that it challenged my son who is the math braniac and my other son in which math was his most challenging subject.
Saxon just about killed both of my older son’s love for math.
What I did for my son who struggled in math was added the Key To ….series when he needed review.
Saxon and MUS are OPPOSITE approach.
Saxon is a spiral approach and MUS is more of a mastery approach but you can’t move on really until you master it. So for my son who struggled, it worked better and then I added in the Key To series when he needed extra practice.
It was better for me to do that with him and keep my pulse on it so he could move on when he mastered it and then add in supplements when he needed it.
So glad we stuck with it to high school after MY mistake…
Great to have you here!!
I definitely feel this way. And we are nowhere near the high school years yet! The other day I was getting SO frustrated with my poor daughter (who is in the second grade) because she didn’t understand a concept that I thought was easy. When i sat back and realized that it isn’t simple to her because this is the first time she’s ever encountered it (which should have been obvious to me), I felt terrible. I’m constantly wondering if I’m patient enough or good enough for this.
Oh Kalista, you ARE patient. That is a mistake I made too and I realized our kids LOVE us so much and want to please us as they learn.
It is just part of teaching and realizing our littles, like you said, just don’t know new concepts that seem easy to us. It’s our job to teach, love them and praise them.
I STILL pray for patience and for not ever wanting my sons to feel like they are dumb or can’t do it because of my body language, sighs or facial expressions. (sigh)
I am much better today but only after embracing the fact that my looks can be helpful or harmful.
Sorry, but there will NOT ever be a teacher that loves my kids as much as I do, so I know EVER ONWARD and try to work on myself.
Keep on movin’!!!