Anybody that homeschools has probably faced homeschool socialization interrogations. Also, look at more tips on my page The Dynamics of How to Homeschool Easily and Smarter.
Today, I’m sharing about socialization in our homeschool world. Are we as isolated as some think?
First, I want you to hear my story.
Back in the covered wagon days like my kids think or at least LBK (life before kids), I worked with lawyers.
I worked as an assistant to prepare clients for upcoming trials.
See, I’ve always been in preparedness mode.
I took pride in preparing the lawyers for objections from the opposing side.
And I always tried to think outside of the box for one-liners and comebacks when they were needed.
When it comes to homeschool socialization, I feel the same way.
In many ways it is similar to a battle or drama that is always brewing.
Get Those Kids Out of the House
You know what I am talking about.
Maybe you have gotten similar statements – ”homeschoolers are a bunch of holy roly weirdos”, “they’re just weird” or “Mom, those kids are gonna have to get out of the house sometimes”.
I’m sure you have some to add.
Looking back at my LBK days, I probably enjoyed the process of preparing for those far-fetched objections just as much as actually assisting in the courtroom.
Oh sure, once in a while I may have a quick comeback or I might shock astound folks with my quick wit (shock myself too).
But most of the time preparation is key to giving a good defense to the dreaded socialization issue.
It has been facing homeschoolers from the time they mouth the words: “I’m homeschooling”.
First, comes the silent strong look from even complete strangers.
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They might as well just say what is on their mind.
It is written all over their face and then comes the blanket statement, which by the way is obvious that they have not researched this topic well.
Each year many new homeschoolers join the ranks with us in homeschooling.
And because we don’t want to be among the ones that are not well-researched, we need to take the time to get a clear cut picture of the meaning or definition of socialization.
Too, it’s hard to be prepared for something that we are not clear on.
Socialization – A Homeschool Hallucination
Getting the full flavor of these words, I chose not to use a free definition found online.
Take a glance at these definitions that I took from The New Oxford American Dictionary- Second Edition, which is my dictionary here at my home.
Sociable – willing to talk and engage in activities with other people: friendly
Socialize – 1. mix socially with others 2. make someone behave in a way that is acceptable to their society 3. organize according to the principles of socialism.
See a problem with the definitions?
We certainly don’t want to defend something that we are against because we are not using society’s measure on education or values.
However, probably all of us want our children to be willing to engage in friendly activities with other people and be genuine, compassionate, and caring.
For the most part, we have to assume too that most people think we hide under rocks and come out only at night time and that normally is the thinking that we are defending.
From “Catty” to Congenial Comments
So in the spirit of preparation and not condemnation and because I always want to say “it looks like a prison to me” which is probably not the most gracious reply to someone in public school, I have created a list of one-liners and comebacks.
Here is the question/statement: So why do you homeschool and what about socialization? You are sheltering your children.
- I homeschool because I want my kids socialized.
- I want my kids to get along with all kinds of people.
- We choose to participate in activities with others because we want our kids to accept people of varying backgrounds and ages.
- My proof is in the pudding- – would you like to see my lesson plans for the week?
How to Answer Others
Also, look at three more
- I am seriously considering cutting back some activities because our week is bulging with social activities and I need time to be at home.
- I want my children to be around people who model respect, are considerate and well-spoken. What is learned from an early age will be emulated when they are older and around others that are not respectful or considerate.
- Yes, you are right. I am sheltering my children. I won’t be able to do it forever, but I can do it as long as I can and help them to become strong in their faith and values. Seems like what any good parent would do.
And as you can see there is no shortage of ways to reply.
- Yes, have you heard of the most recent (insert here: bullying charge, teacher misconduct, shooting or drug raid) at public school.
- Sometimes I think we overthink this, what happened to the days when people just got kids together and they played without worrying if they were socialized or not?
- Yes, we homeschool because faith matters and I think of this scripture (insert your favorite one here about “dealings with stupid or foolish people” or “training children”).
Homeschool Socialization Situations & Opportunities
- Each family has to decide what is best for them because even within each family, children are very different. I have one child that thrives with friends so I can plan sleep overs and lots of meet ups and parties. And I have one child that does not need his emotional tank filled with tons of friends so I can satisfy his need for quiet time and to be with less people.
- Would you like to come and be a visitor at our school? (Of course this is meant for a well-meaning relative or close friend that you know.)
- I prefer that my children’s learning time not be interrupted because others do not know how to behave.
- We homeschool for medical reasons.
Do you see a few you can use?
If you were to ask me before I started homeschooling how much I worried about socialization, my answer would be zero, zip and none.
The problem with this scenario is that I am not homeschooling somewhere on paradise island by myself.
And because we mix and mingle with other people, like you, I get my fair share of second-guessers, naysayers, and plain ole negative nellies.
Gradually folks like that can chip away at your armor and doubt can set in about your decision.
What you need now is concrete proof that we come out from under our rock and caves and that our children are actually very socially adapted.
Social Activities For Homeschoolers
Dare I say they are friendly and some of us actually like people.
Look at these opportunities for homeschool socialization and how we learned with others.
Fall is a great time to be outside and to be with othes.
Anytime is great for visiting your local police department.
Early Years – Fall Activities and Community Helpers
And studying about Native Americans and making your own leather wear is so fun.
Native Americans
Of course some of the best times are when you can see other family’s pets.
Homeschool Socialization
Amphibians and Reptiles
Also, heading outdoors for a Westward Ho co-op is really fun with others.
Westward Hoooo
And a rainforest co-op is just no fun unless you have all the rainforest food.
Amazon Rain Forest
The European Renaissance
Homeschooling and Socialization
Early American History
Ancient Empires/Civilizations
Too, I have never lacked for words when asked about our homeschool socialization opportunities.
However, I have not always been proud of my quick temper.
I know it stems from a place deep down in my heart because homeschooling is a work of the heart and it is hard work on top of that.
Now, I can revisit this post each year and will be armed with gracious speech.
I still miss the drama of the courtroom, but then again I now have homeschooling naysayers, skeptics and Debbie downers to prepare for.
I hope this helps you to be armed for this school year and that others will be astounded at your quick wit and preparation too.
Look at my other articles here and grab yourself some more one-liners, comebacks and gracious sayings
- 5 Ideas to Kick Start Your School Year By Including Others
- I Am Homeschooling Because I Want My Kids Socialized
- Homeschooling a Left Brain Child a/k/a Socially Awkward and a Bit Nerdy
- The NOT To Do List: 32 Things New Homeschoolers Should Avoid
How do you handle your reply?
This blog hop is organized by iHomeschool Network.
Hugs and love ya,
You know, I am a homeschool mom, but I cringe at sections like the first. I understand the very human desire to react to these ignorant and biased people with a snarky comment, but I believe we are injuring ourselves and losing the opportunity to be Christ-like in our answer.
A soft answer turns away wrath. I choose to respond honestly to their question and show them that I, the mother, can socialize and interact properly with the world. We lived in DC, the most hostile environment I have ever lived in for homeschooling, and this worked for me. I pray that my words of truth and encouragement opened their eyes to possibilities outside their scope. Even if they still don’t agree, they were given a gracious and straightforward answer. I pray that we can all extend the grace we wish to have extended to us.
Kay @Kay’s Korner recently posted…Thankful Thursday
I love all the photos of your homeschooler learning get-togethers.
It’s funny reading this after the first-week-back we’ve just had. My son and daughter have both had friends to stay over, we’ve spent a day at our home education centre, and I’m very much looking forward to a quiet weekend at home after all the rest of our social activities!
So when people ask me the socialisation question these days my usual response is to laugh!
Great post, though. And I love your dynamic homeschoolers site – I’m pleased you’ll be continuing with it!
You hit the nail on the head Lucinda! Sometimes its hard to keep a straight face but then again we have to remember, homeschooling is still pretty weird to some folks..lol..but yep, I end up cutting back our social activities..lol
And yes, that site will move forward with units!
Hi Kay,
Enjoyed your comment and I understand. Too, just like you said we need to engage them in a conversation and I agree totally and it is always my first choice.
However, I hope it came across in my post that sometimes you only have a chance for a 30 second or one line reply.
So getting in gracious, direct, straightforward but gentle and not putting down their choice takes finesse and preparation.
Preparation has been key for me, but if given a choice I always prefer a warm conversation…
Enjoyed your comment.
Another reply to use when asked about socialization is this:
“When I was in school, teachers always told us we were *not* there to socialize, but to learn. Has that changed?”
I have an only child and I know that the s question comes up even more with those of us that have onlies. In my case my daughter is friendly so if she can be observed by the person asking the question I will ask them if it looks like she has difficulty socializing, and of course they have to say no.
For those who have introverts, just remember that homeschooling does not make people introverted. Schools have plenty of introverts too and you could ask the questioner how well the schooled introverts are doing socially? In many ways traditional school can be harder on them. And lastly we can remind people that public school is a recent phenomenon. Before that everyone was homeschooled and all the founding fathers and first presidents were too.
abrianna recently posted…SHS
Well said! And great! Yep it suppose to be an educational institution, not an entertainment committee.
Looking back too I see that my sons are “just who they are” which is one who craves friends constantly and the other one not so much. I can’t change their God-given personalities, just like homeschooling didn’t make one son not need people so much and the other one who needs it.
@ Tina’s Dynamic Homeschool Plus recently posted…Socialization – A Homeschool Hallucination? & Blog Hop
The “For medical reasons” is still the best if I don’t want to have a debate but lately I have been getting the “It the responsibility of the school to accommodate your child. How are other children going to learn to incorporate people with ‘issues’ into their lives if he is not there.” To which I have been left having to answer that it is not my job to have to socialize their children – that’s their job. It is my job not to place my child in situations where they will be bullied in order for the other children in the class to have a object lesson in how not to behave. Nor is it the job of the teacher to have to accommodate my child’s medical needs – its the teacher’s job to teach. For some reason this is always treated as heresy.
I have even been told by parents who have kids with disabilities that I am letting down other children with disabilities – after all they fought for the right to have their kids publicly educated. Hence being left to reply that my choice is not a condemnation of theirs.
But really the biggest complaints about socialization issues comes from my sibling. Invitations to come and play however are always declined because she thinks the medical issues are too complicated to have to explain and they are too busy. Always makes me sad for the kids as they have such a good time together when they get the chance.
Aww..so sorry about your sibling..I hear ya… Yep, but you know too there are plenty of kids that have come along in our journey and filled our need for socialization..Always enjoy your comments and you’re absolutely right..Folks can make their own choices..
Hugs