Today is day 4 confronting relatives and naysayers in the free 31 Day Free Boot Camp for New Homeschoolers. Sometimes when our friend and family confront us about our choice to homeschool it can affect us.
I have never been to a wedding where the minister asks why a couple should not be joined in holy matrimony and somebody speaks ups to object.
Often times I wonder what would happen if somebody did object. What, the couple won’t get married if they are both adults? I think it would make for some great drama.
Then you hardly ever hear the old fashion line speak now or forever hold your peace, but that is just what is needed from relatives when you start to homeschool.
Too, sometimes relatives and family confront us with negative comments because they understand our lifestyle. I always think of it more like them questioning us instead of us confronting relatives and naysayers
Also, if we focus on the criticism and negative talk it can take us away from what is important at the moment.
For example, my first instance of being criticized for homeschooling happened went I went to the mall one day. I was in line to pay for my items with my children cheerfully in tote.
Confronting Relatives and Naysayers
The lady behind me asked why my oldest was not in school. My reply with such conviction as if the whole world was going to be happy about my choice was “because I homeschool him”.
Her quick witted reply was “like you are doing now”.
Being crushed in spirit, I thought at that moment, if only I had some facts to support my decision to homeschool it would have made a difference.
What I have learned now is that any statistics and homeschooling facts should have been for my own sanity so when statements like that happen it doesn’t pierce my armor of conviction.
Have you taken time to read some studies and grab some facts?
My previous post on Day 3 directed you to the NHERI.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with putting some facts on your phone and keeping them handly to pull out and read
Of course, you would look smokin’ hot smart if you were to whip out your phone and pull up the website.
The truth of it is that there is nothing that really can prepare you for the criticism of family and friends other than to say it will happen.
Teaching in my new homeschooler workshops for ten years, I have to come realize that are two types of new homeschoolers when it comes to family criticism.
New to Homeschooling Where to Start
One group determines this is what is best for their family and is not really affected by family comments and opinions and doesn’t solicit them.
The second group however is more affected and desires family approval or they are at least affected by the comments of others. The second group of moms are tender souls and it is hard for them to just shake off the dust of comments by others.
How to Prepare for Homeschool Criticism
One. Grab Facts & Statistics Speak Volumes.
Not everybody is moved by your desire to homeschool and are only silenced or at least give pause for thought when you talk about facts and numbers.
Two. Prepare Your Answers in Advance.
It took only one time for me to get caught off guard when asked why I decided to homeschool.
I not only wanted to prepare my mind, but I wanted to represent other homeschoolers proudly. I had many replies and a few of them were:
- I homeschool because I want my kids socialized.
- I homeschool because my son was advanced and I needed to move at a different pace.
- We homeschool because the public school schedule is not our family schedule.
Three. Google More Reasons to Homeschool and Create Your Own List.
There is no lack of the advantages for homeschooling. I created a list of reasons why I wanted to homeschool and then added more as I schooled longer.
Creating your list now will add conviction to your tone and strengthen your resolve to homeschool.
Four. Just Be Nice.
Understanding that we all have a choice in how we educate our children and many will not agree helps to season your speech.
It is hard to determine at times when to speak and when to keep quiet. I feel many times that I have to defend homeschooling choices, but I have learned sometimes it is better to say it is not for everybody.
Homeschooling does require self-sacrificing and we live in a world that does not engender that spirit.
I have given up many things to homeschool my sons, but none of them are worth trading for all the precious time and memories we have created so far.
I won’t look back and regret not learning professional photography, but I may have time in the future to learn it.
People are down on what they are not up on. I use this saying many times because everybody has a preconceived idea of what is homeschooling.
Maybe they know somebody that did not take their responsibility serious and didn’t really homeschool her children.
It happens. Appreciating that sometimes people are misinformed helps us to deal with them in kind ways.
I always try to encourage a conversation with naysayers instead of rapid fire come backs. If they are truly interested they will have a conversation with you, but if they only want to criticize then don’t waste your time.
New to Homeschool
Also, look at a few other things about me.
- I am the author of the book Homeschooling 31 Day Boot Camp for New Homeschoolers: When You Don’t Know Where to Begin
And I have a detailed self-paced online homeschool Kickstarter course. It is a detailed comprehensive course for first time homeschoolers.
Also, prepare your children so they are not pawns by the relatives.
Relatives and other people alike can be very bold thinking they have a right to quiz children about what they are learning. Is it harmful or helpful? You can determine this by weighing in on what their motives are. Would this person be questioning your child if they went to public school?
When relatives speak up to criticize, it can create drama or not.
Negative drama depends on your response, not theirs.
Strengthen your homeschool resolve by preparing now for the fact that not everybody will be delighted about your lifestyle change, but then again you do not need their approval to embark on this exciting and memorable journey.
Other Resources for New Homeschoolers
Have you got any responses ready?
- I’m Homeschooling Because I Want Them Socialized
- What to Expect When You Expect to Homeschool (25 Silliest Questions Ever
- Dear New Homeschooler – Are You Making this BIG Mistake? (I Was)
Hugs,
We homeschool for medical reasons, and that response usually shuts people up pretty quickly. Further inquiries usually end up with a comment that our decision is fully supported by my child’s medical team and the School Board.
If they push it, my response is that “our choice to homeschool is not a condemnation of their choice to use public education”. Then I ask them why they chose to use the public system. It is a conversation ender.
LOl Yep. now that is a great comeback. Who can argue for medical reasons.
Love the line “why did they choose public school”. It turns the tables uh? Thanks for sharing..
Sadly the only negative response I have received so far was from the principal at my sons school. I had informed his teacher at the end of the year that he would not be coming back and on his rewards day the principal stopped me in the hallway with everyone around and told me I was making a bad decision and that she has great teachers to give him what he needs. I so kindly informed her that I am sure she has great teachers however none of them would be able to provide the patience, time, energy or love that I can give my child and I walked away.
His teacher showed concern for him being home schooled that day as well and we sat for over an hour talking about the many reason I feel it was necessary to school him at home. By the end of the conversation she felt better about my decision and was determined to do her own research on the matter. It was a proud moment!
You GO GIRL!! Yep, when the truth of it should be you should turn the tables and put them in the “hot seat” and ask them why school for the masses is not working now.
Teachers are quite another story. I love ’em because a lot of them really do care but their hands are tied with standards and they will tell you that.
Plus they have a mentality that unless you have a degree you can’t teach, never mind the fact they didn’t ask you that before you birthed this child.
AND you have taught him how to talk up until this time..Pray tell, how EVER did you teach him how to talk without a curriculum and a license? lol lol lol
See – teaching him yourself is the next natural step in the progression. It is natural for child and momma to stay bound and to stay together.
It is always so much better too if we can graciously tell others our view and defend homeschooling, but we should never expect them to be happy over it. Here among other homeschoolers is where you belong.
Glad to have you here Shay and enjoyed reading about your experience.
My usual response is to quietly let them speak their mind and not take it to heart. The truth is, it is usually coming from an ignorant point of view. I don’t like to come across as rude and/or cocky. However, there are times when I do speak up. Especially about the socialization. One response to the socialization question that I have is, “We socialize our dogs… not our children. We educate them.” I have also used, “I homeschool so I can properly socialize my children.”
We live 24 hours away from family, and we have our first trip next month to visit (it is really our first time visiting anyone after our first full year of homeschooling). So, I am preparing for the relatives quizzing my girls.. and when they do, I will respond that until they understand the type of homeschooling we are doing, they have no right to quiz them…plus we don’t take tests in homeschool. I have informed them all of the philosophy behind our homeschool style, so none of the should have an excuse to not understand. 🙂 Thanks for sharing your experience! It really is invaluable!
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I enjoyed reading how you are going to prepare your girls Evelyn.
Yes that is right, there WILL come a time when you’re kids can “testify” but we need to prepare them first. Shield and protect them is a good thing.
NOW, my oldest two sons are way more quick than I am with a reply. Plus when THEY testify instead of you, it seems to carry so much more weight with other folks.
They see my boys turned out not so bad..lol…The truth of it is their personalities are their own regardless of public school or not, but so much more enriched. They can pursue things like classical music that may not be the “norm” in high school, free from criticism.
I always say too we “institutionalize prisoners”.
Enjoy your trip. Would loved to hear how the girls did and your relatives.
Thanks for sharing!