Today is day 4 confronting relatives and naysayers in the free 31 Day Free Boot Camp for New Homeschoolers. Sometimes when our friend and family confront us about our choice to homeschool it can affect us.
I have never been to a wedding where the minister asks why a couple should not be joined in holy matrimony and somebody speaks ups to object.
Often times I wonder what would happen if somebody did object. What, the couple won’t get married if they are both adults? I think it would make for some great drama.
Then you hardly ever hear the old fashion line speak now or forever hold your peace, but that is just what is needed from relatives when you start to homeschool.
Too, sometimes relatives and family confront us with negative comments because they understand our lifestyle. I always think of it more like them questioning us instead of us confronting relatives and naysayers
Also, if we focus on the criticism and negative talk it can take us away from what is important at the moment.
For example, my first instance of being criticized for homeschooling happened went I went to the mall one day. I was in line to pay for my items with my children cheerfully in tote.
Confronting Relatives and Naysayers
The lady behind me asked why my oldest was not in school. My reply with such conviction as if the whole world was going to be happy about my choice was “because I homeschool him”.
Her quick witted reply was “like you are doing now”.
Being crushed in spirit, I thought at that moment, if only I had some facts to support my decision to homeschool it would have made a difference.
What I have learned now is that any statistics and homeschooling facts should have been for my own sanity so when statements like that happen it doesn’t pierce my armor of conviction.
Have you taken time to read some studies and grab some facts?
My previous post on Day 3 directed you to the NHERI.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with putting some facts on your phone and keeping them handly to pull out and read
Of course, you would look smokin’ hot smart if you were to whip out your phone and pull up the website.
The truth of it is that there is nothing that really can prepare you for the criticism of family and friends other than to say it will happen.
Teaching in my new homeschooler workshops for ten years, I have to come realize that are two types of new homeschoolers when it comes to family criticism.
New to Homeschooling Where to Start
One group determines this is what is best for their family and is not really affected by family comments and opinions and doesn’t solicit them.
The second group however is more affected and desires family approval or they are at least affected by the comments of others. The second group of moms are tender souls and it is hard for them to just shake off the dust of comments by others.
How to Prepare for Homeschool Criticism
One. Grab Facts & Statistics Speak Volumes.
Not everybody is moved by your desire to homeschool and are only silenced or at least give pause for thought when you talk about facts and numbers.
Two. Prepare Your Answers in Advance.
It took only one time for me to get caught off guard when asked why I decided to homeschool.
I not only wanted to prepare my mind, but I wanted to represent other homeschoolers proudly. I had many replies and a few of them were:
- I homeschool because I want my kids socialized.
- I homeschool because my son was advanced and I needed to move at a different pace.
- We homeschool because the public school schedule is not our family schedule.
Three. Google More Reasons to Homeschool and Create Your Own List.
There is no lack of the advantages for homeschooling. I created a list of reasons why I wanted to homeschool and then added more as I schooled longer.
Creating your list now will add conviction to your tone and strengthen your resolve to homeschool.
Four. Just Be Nice.
Understanding that we all have a choice in how we educate our children and many will not agree helps to season your speech.
It is hard to determine at times when to speak and when to keep quiet. I feel many times that I have to defend homeschooling choices, but I have learned sometimes it is better to say it is not for everybody.
Homeschooling does require self-sacrificing and we live in a world that does not engender that spirit.
I have given up many things to homeschool my sons, but none of them are worth trading for all the precious time and memories we have created so far.
I won’t look back and regret not learning professional photography, but I may have time in the future to learn it.
People are down on what they are not up on. I use this saying many times because everybody has a preconceived idea of what is homeschooling.
Maybe they know somebody that did not take their responsibility serious and didn’t really homeschool her children.
It happens. Appreciating that sometimes people are misinformed helps us to deal with them in kind ways.
I always try to encourage a conversation with naysayers instead of rapid fire come backs. If they are truly interested they will have a conversation with you, but if they only want to criticize then don’t waste your time.
New to Homeschool
Also, look at a few other things about me.
- I am the author of the book Homeschooling 31 Day Boot Camp for New Homeschoolers: When You Don’t Know Where to Begin
And I have a detailed self-paced online homeschool Kickstarter course. It is a detailed comprehensive course for first time homeschoolers.
Also, prepare your children so they are not pawns by the relatives.
Relatives and other people alike can be very bold thinking they have a right to quiz children about what they are learning. Is it harmful or helpful? You can determine this by weighing in on what their motives are. Would this person be questioning your child if they went to public school?
When relatives speak up to criticize, it can create drama or not.
Negative drama depends on your response, not theirs.
Strengthen your homeschool resolve by preparing now for the fact that not everybody will be delighted about your lifestyle change, but then again you do not need their approval to embark on this exciting and memorable journey.
Other Resources for New Homeschoolers
Have you got any responses ready?
- I’m Homeschooling Because I Want Them Socialized
- What to Expect When You Expect to Homeschool (25 Silliest Questions Ever
- Dear New Homeschooler – Are You Making this BIG Mistake? (I Was)
Hugs,
“Like you’re doing now?”
Why yes! We go to the grocery store together as part of our life skills, economics, and home management curricula. We also study mathematics while we’re here.
Now that they’re older, I can add: My kids can run a household at 12 and 10. They are planning meals, learning the importance of home care, studying sales, and succeeding on their own, while your little snowflake is doing……what are they doing? Sitting in a classroom with thirty other little drones, waiting to be told what to do? Gosh, I am so sorry you chose not to educate your kids!
I’m not very nice when someone gets snarky with me about my children. They are already more accomplished than some master-degree holders I know.
Donna,
You’re a hoot! I couldn’t stop laughing after reading this. Kindred spirits I see!
I think a lot of us have the same “problem” when it comes to our kids, but some express it better.. I pray for the people who cross your path! tee hee hee
You are a lady on a mission and I love it!! Thanks for the laugh today and I have to remember this..
Hugs
Absolutely and those are skills no longer taught at most public schools. No home economics, no mechanic classes etc. stuff that some kids aren’t able to be taught at home and could greatly benefit from. I wouldn’t know how to hand stitch or cook if it wasn’t for my home economics class in late middle school. Kids these days are being sent out into the world not even knowing how to balance a check book, change a tire, bake, do taxes, stitch up something, those are things that still should be taught in my book. I don’t know about where everyone else on here is from but in my area they removed teaching cursive and so thus some of my children were taught by me & some taught by the school. Then this anti-bully crap is for the birds, I have yet to see anything done to prevent it. And one other thing what is this common core math crap? One of the teachers pretty much told me it was common core bs… Those are my reasons, among others-I don’t know about yall.
Well said Jenn and one of the BEST comments I’ve read lately………..So much common sense being left out of curriculum today……
So what do you say to those who do the quizzing? We are starting our second year of homeschooling. DS1 starts second grade and DS2 starts kindergarten. My husband’s WHOLE side of the family has been very negative the entire time and continues to quiz my oldest every time we see them. I know they are digging for ammo to use against me and my efforts, but I am soft spoken and dont say much after my son replies. Today he came home from a play date at the grandparents’ and told me they were asking. I don’t like the quizzing, especially when it is now happening without me there. What do I say to them?
Hi Erin,
Just from the fact that this bothers you and you posted, and after helping so many new bees, I know that you are a dear tender soul. The kind of compassionate person I would want as a friend.
However, that same side of your personality is the same one that can hold you back from speaking up. NOT because you don’t want to protect your children, but because you don’t want to hurt the feelings of others and generally don’t like conflict.
This is the advice that “generally” works, but the extended family of every family is different. But your husband is the one that needs to head this up.
Since it’s his family, he needs to let them know that homeschooling is the BEST thing for you family. That your children are NOT to be quizzed. I have seen a LOT of cases like this over the years and some turn real ugly.
I try to encourage all new bees that you get “more bees with honey”. Your extended family needs to know that it could harm your relationship with your child if they keep quizzing them.
That you would be DELIGHTED at any time to have them over and your children do a skit, perform something they learned or any thing else you want to do.
THAT is even nice to do but not all homeschooler will even do that.
The bottom line really is that NONE of this is their business. But of course like I said, they are your family and you would rather season your speech with graciousness.
Some families I have helped have even had to say that if their relatives don’t quit, they will have to quit associating with them.
I know it sounds extreme, but some relatives will NOT quit and the children are caught in the crosshairs and they end up suffering from low self-esteem.
This is the time Erin that the Momma Bear in you needs to come out and be kind even if provoked but FIRM.
It is your husband’s job to do this and explain how it could affectsyour family and children in the long run so he knows you are being reasonable and not emotional. A lot of men don’t want the controversy and we shouldn’t either BUT your kids need your protection and sheltering arms.
I hope that helps and a hug to you and one more hug because I know this is very hard for you,
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